Last year's attempt at Christmas photos

I saw a Christmas photo today of a family with 7 kids. They complained that they couldn't get everyone looking at the camera at once. That reminded me of why wer'e not taking Christmas pictures this year. Here is why......

That and somebody is missing, and it just doesn't seem right to take a family photo without her!

(One of my children, I won't mention who, has very little need for discipline. I'm sure it's not obvious which one, is it?)

What we did without electricity all week....

Mailed a special package to send to
Ava containing kisses, drawings, and the hand-knit blanket made by Oma.

Ate crow and humble pie

We made fun of people who went out and bought generators, then repented when we got an offer to borrow one from someone who didn't need theirs anymore. :)

We stayed warm by the fireplace (and learned how to cook on an open fire-I have the burnmarks on my forearms to prove it)

Mattress flips...

We drew pictures to send to Ava

Has it only been 4 days?!

I'm glad I'm not a pioneer or an Eskimo. I'm not sure I would have done well. An ice storm hit Oklahoma early this week, and we have been without power since Sunday night.

Ice Tornado

... no electricity is the reason we haven't been blogging....

Here is what our backyard looks like:

Tulsa looks like an ice tornado hit. The tops of almost every single tree is broken off. Driving through neighborhoods with trees is almost impossible. We are safe and warm with our fire upstairs and "camping out" is fun for the kiddos. John.

FAQ #8 "So how did all this come about?"

This is the funniest question of all. Because how am I supposed to answer that in one sentence or even one sitting?

-Charissa loved children
-John loved children
-We wanted a bunch of them
-Charissa wanted to adopt a child with a disability (discussed in 1994)
-John said he was "open" to adopt a child with a disability (in 1994)
-We had a bunch of kids (if you think 4 is a bunch of kids)-Feb 1998-Sep 2004
-Charissa started looking for family volunteer opportunities to provide respite care for parents of disabled children-2006 (Every child in the household had to be at least 16 in order to "volunteer" in such a capacity. That would be a long time to wait for a family volunteer opportunity)
-Watched Family Life "Hope for Orphans" (March 2007)
-Decided it was time to adopt (April 2007)
-Found Reeces Rainbow by googling "Down Syndrome Adoption"
-Charissa fell in love with the idea of adopting several specific orphans with disabilities, John was still "just open" to it (May 2007)
-While Charissa waited for John to say yes, every one of the specific orphans Charissa fell in love with got family commitments (June 2007)
-Got an email from Kelly, a humanitarian aide/missionary who does work in Ukrainian orphanages (June 11, 2007)
-Kelly said:
"While I was there this time, I was able to visit a little girl at the orphanage who has Down Syndrome. She is an
angel, with blond hair and big blue eyes and very fair skin. At
first she was not too responsive - she mostly lays still in her crib
during her days, but once I picked her up and started to kiss,
tickle and stroke her little head, she smiled such a sweet smile and
really responded, reaching out for more and more. She loved the
attention and tenderness. Originally we though this girl had more
health problems than she does. She does not have clubbed hands or
feet, just the DS related heart condition. It can be treated here
but in Ukraine it is not treated. She really
needs more stimulation and in a family she would just blossom. She
blossomed in one minute in my arms. What a sweet child.

The most amazing thing was the relationship she has with Naum, who
has taken on the role of her brother with no one showing him to do
so. The special needs kids also go outside each day with all the
children, though the mostly stay in the shade in their big giant
playpen together. This little girl lays in the playpen along with
some other children who are not mobile, and Naum lays right next to
her. While he could easily do the same for any other child, it is
ONLY this girl he lays by, strokes her cheek, holds and strokes her
hands and kisses them. He kisses her face. He 'talks' to her and
obviously feels that this little girl is HIS! Again, although he is
social with many other children, he does this only with her - she is
very special to him obviously.

If any of you are thinking of adoption of a DS child, please please
please consider her. When her Naum leaves, I don't know what will
happen to her - she loves his tenderness. She will soon age out and
have to be moved to the institution in that area. When I asked (with
my usual American optimism) if the conditions in that institution
are improving, as they are in the baby orphanage, the staff
replied, "We don't know. All the kids we've sent there have died.
Maybe the older ones steal food from the younger and weaker ones, we
don't know. Or maybe it is because they were sick children when we
sent them, but we kept each of them for four years none of them died
here. Only there." It was enough to make me want to be sick, hearing
this. May GOD BLESS EACH OF YOU who are adopting or considering
adopting one of these children. You are giving them the one thing no
one else will - a chance to live, to be loved. This little girl has
such potential, she is so beautiful. We just pray that God will send
her a family before it is too late."

-I spent the day crying and praying for her to find a family, thinking, "It couldn't be us, John isn't ready yet". I will never John calling me that day from work, after reading the email. He said, "I want her, do you?" YES! I DO! We spent the evening praying just to be sure, and I will never forget the joy I felt seeing her little profile with the words, "I found my forever family" written across it...OUR family! (June 13, 2007)
-Started home study, fundraising, lots and lots and lots of paperwork, background checks and fingerprinting, and answering questions that seemed very silly but I'm sure they're for a good reason.
-And now we wait and wait and wait for a travel date to finally meet this little girl who our lives have revolved around for so many months!

FAQ #7 "Are you done after this?"

That is for us to know and you to find out later.

FAQ #6 "Don't you have enough kids already?"

Apparently not.

FAQ #5 Isn't Adoption Expensive? How Can You Afford It?

Yes. International adoption costs range between $10,000-$40,000 including airfare and in-country expenses (lodging, food, transportation). Every country has different requirements, so every country has different costs. For example, some countries require no travel; your child is escorted to you. Other countries, like Ukraine, require TWO trips, therefore it is a little more expensive to adopt from Ukraine due to 4 round trip tickets, plus a one-way ticket(I love thinking about that one-way ticket from Ukraine to USA with Ava Urban's name on it!) So depending on what kind of deals we will get on tickets, this adoption is around $20,000.

One of the wonderful things I have learned through adopting is that there are many ministries and organizations and churches and individuals and family members and neighbors and co-workers and friends who are willing to help out. Even when you don't come right out and ask. And for that we have been very, very grateful. We were flabbergasted at the number of garage sale donations we got. On one Saturday we raised $2,200. We had so much stuff we had to borrow our neighbor's garage and driveway too! At the beginning of the summer we were looking for a lawnmower replacement, and pricing, etc and a family member committed to mow our grass the entire summer so we could use the lawnmower money towards our Ava. Neighbors and friends deposited money into our adoption account, and even one person who we have never met blessed us with a fairly large chunk of our expenses. Talk about God meeting a need to meet a need. We thank each and every one of you who have helped us out. We had talked about selling a vehicle, and even selling our house and "downpaying", but the Lord provided through other ways, and for that we are so thankful.

We have raised about $12,000 now. That should cover all of our adoption fees. We only lack the money to pay for airfare and in-country expenses. John will have to miss about 3 weeks of work, and he is contract, so that is another thing we will have to factor in. We have applied for a few grants (Again, many organizations are helping families who are adopting), and whatever we still lack we should be able to take out a low-interest adoption loan, and pay it back as we have it.

And lastly, and I always forget about this when people ask about affording adoption. The tax credit! There is a $10,500 tax credit for each child adopted (not sure if this is just international adoption). This will help tremendously when those adoption credit card payments are due.

FAQ #4 Why now?

For so long we had felt that we would adopt "someday", far off in the future it seemed. "After the kids are grown" seemed to be the right time to do it. Then we heard a DVD from Family Life called Hope for Orphans (Thanks Tina). I was shocked to find out the percentage of couples who felt the call of adoption, who CONSIDERED adoption....but never fulfilled that calling.

Interestingly enough, at the same time, we had been praying as a family specifically for orphans in the world, and for their needs to be provided, even a few specific names that we knew of. Next thing you know, the kids start asking about adoption! Why couldn't we be a family to a child who needed one, they would ask. Jude would squint his little eyes, and pray that we could adopt "a thousand orphans".

I began to realize how easy it would be to get the kids all out of diapers, out of the house, and then forget all about our adoption plans. On this DVD there was a video of a family who adopted a little girl from Africa. The brothers and sisters in the video were shown welcoming her at the airport, hugging her, wrestling, dancing with her. It was not just the mom and the dad experiencing adoption, the siblings were a part of it too. It was through that video that we realized that we wanted our kids to experience adoption too, and not just watch mom and dad go through it after they are grown.

FAQ #3 Why International Adoption? (Aren't there plenty of kids in the U.S. waiting to be adopted?)

Yes! There are many kids in foster care (about 500,000) in the U.S. waiting to be adopted, and there are many more throughout the world, also waiting to be adopted. Every child needs a family, and not one more than another. I wish I could give a family to every single child, but I don't have enough room in my house or time to properly care for 143 million orphans by myself.

We did not necessarily seek out "international adoption" per se, but as we began to research Down Sydrome adoption, we found out something very interesting...There are very few children with Down Syndrome in the U.S. who are not wanted and loved. When they are available for adoption, there is a 200+ waiting list of families who are ready to adopt. Fewer children are being born with DS in the U.S. because of early screening and, I'm very sad to say....abortion. In my research I learned that 90% of these precious human beings are aborted by their own mothers!! (I feel sick thinking about it). In many other countries, however, where fetal screening is not done, babies who are born with Down Syndrome and any other kind of disability, are being abandoned left and right (Again, my heart breaks at the thought of it). Most of these children will never know a family, and most will die very young. That is the reason we chose international adoption.

FAQ #2 Why Special Needs? (Why Down Syndrome)

Orphans with disabilities need families too!! Sadly, the orphans with disabilities are the most vulnerable AND the most difficult to place. In certain countries, disabled orphans are sent to institutions where most will die at a very early age. I never knew this until I met Andrea at Reece's Rainbow. I am thankful to her for bringing awareness to this very sad fact, and trying to find families for the most vulnerable and weak..the disabled orphan.

We had talked about special-needs adoption even before we were married. While we didn't have a set plan, we both agreed that we would be open to accepting a child into our family with a disability. There was a little boy at our church who was in foster care. He was 3 years old and had spina bifida. He couldn't walk on his legs, but he certainly didn't have any difficulty scooting himself with his hands. He was
such a delightful boy, and I found myself wishing I was his foster mother!!

Recently we had noticed a real gift of compassion in our children. Once at soccer practice, a mom came up to me, with tears in her eyes. Her son had a disability. He could walk but couldn't talk, and I got the impression that he could be aggressive and impulsive. The mom said to me, "Your son is one of the few kids who has ever played with my son. Most kids are afraid of him, but your son has played ball with him and talked to him today like nothing is wrong with him."

When God began stirring our hearts towards adoption this past year, we were pretty much open to anything, but we wanted to open our hearts toward a child that most other prospective adoptive parents would turn down. At that time the kids were in basketball, and there was a girl on Liesel's team with a little sister who had Down Sydrome. She was about 4 years old..the same age Ava will be when we bring her home! I would sit on the bench during practice and just watch and play with this little girl. I came home one night and told John, "I want to adopt a child with Down Syndrome." And that is when it all began.

We believe having a child with a disability can be a very negative experience or a very positive experience, all depending on how you look at it. Our family listened to a story on CD this summer about Corrie Ten Boom, and we haven't seen life the same since! We believe it will be a win-win for us all. She will get a family, and we will get the opportunity to entertain an angel! (Heb 13:2). I believe our lives will be greatly enhanced because of our daughter!

More proof that adoption is totally natural

Urban Adoption FAQ #1 Why Adopt?

While we wait for our approval/travel date, I wanted to compile a list, in writing, of some of the FAQ's of our adoption. Questions were to be expected, and while John and I had prayed, sought the Lord, and sensed without a doubt that adoption was part of His plan, we know it is helpful to have answers for people who ask, or wonder without asking. Since there are so many questions, and so many reasons, I will focus one per post. And the first one is the obvious:

Why Adopt?

1. Why not?
2. We have extra beds, plenty of food, and room for more around the table.
3. There is plenty of love to go around
4. There are millions of orphans praying every night for a family to call their own. We will get to be the answer to one of those prayers.
5. Our kids have asked on many occasions for more brothers and sisters. Why not take one that's already here on the earth?
6. I was always the kid bringing home abandoned and stray animals (even a dead skunk, once, which I was sure I could revive with the proper TLC). Now it's abandoned kids I'm on the lookout for.
7. Adoption is a beautiful picture of God's acceptance of us into His family, even with all of our problems and special needs.
8. James 1:27 "Pure religion is to look after the orphans and widows." How much more clear could that be?
9. 1 John 3:16-17 "But whoever has this world's goods and sees his brother in need and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?" More than anything else, I want the love of God to abide in me.
10.Luke 12:48 "To whom much has been given, much is required." Our family has been blessed beyond measure. The least we can do is care for one of His sheep with whatever challenges may come with that.

There are many ways to help those who are special in God's eyes (the orphans and widows). It could be being a foster parent, providing clothing or food for families who are fostering, helping a widow mow her grass, babysitting for a single mom trying to put food on the table, "adopting" a college student, or person in a nursing home who gets no visitors, sponsoring an AIDS orphan in Africa, buying a pair of shoes for a child whose father is absent, adoption....the list is endless. I love this quote from Mother Teresa:

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.

A messenger in Ukraine

I had an email in my inbox today from a special family in Ukraine. Their adoption of little Evan is going smoothly. Valerie is going to try to see and hold Ava tomorrow, and hopefully take some new pictures for us. While she hasn't managed to take pictures yet, she has managed to go over to the crib where Ava lays and talk to her. Here is what Valerie said:

I got to see Ava again today for a few minutes and she looks completely healthy. Even though Inna and the caretakers keep saying the chicken pox are going around the orphanage, I have yet to see evidence of them. I am still waiting for a chance to ask Inna about pictures, but we are meeting with her tomorrow afternoon and I am hoping to get the go-ahead then (Kelly is also sending her an e-mail to ask if I can as well), so hopefully I will have some pictures to send to you very soon.

When I saw Ava today I said hello to her in Russian and she got so excited. She started waving her little arms all over the place and making noises! It was adorable. I really do hope that they will let me hold her a little. I think that she would just be in heaven! She is just so beautiful Charissa! Pictures just do not do her justice! I cannot wait until you have her in your arms (and I get to see pictures of the two of you together. . .I can just imagine the smile on her face)!

Anyway, I will definitely keep you posted about pictures and any time I get to spend with her! I am praying that you get your travel dates very, very soon!

Hugs,
Valerie

How Could I Ask For More

A poem by Liesel, my little poet and jokester

Twinkle Twinkle Happy Bliss (that's the dog)
You're my darling, kiss kiss kiss.
Such a baby in my eyes
I'm so glad to have a prize.
Twinkle Twinkle Happy Bliss
You're my darling, kiss kiss kiss.

And more...

Playing I Spy from the 50th floor of "Daddy's work" downtown (I have to admit, that was pretty fun)

Other things we have been doing to pass the time away....

Feeding trash to the buffalo--I'm serious. This buffalo is a vacuum sucking trash receptacle





Making shape pancakes, Dad's Saturday morning tradition. The funny thing about this particular shape pancake is that it started out as a monster truck pancake. When Jude decided he wanted a soccer ball pancake instead, John turned it upside down and said, "Hey Hope, do you want a cute little bunny rabbit pancake?" Of course she was thrilled!

Patience...

Proverbs 16:32 Better is a patient man (or woman) than a warrior.....
Ecclesiastes 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to purpose under the heaven.
2 Timothy 2:24 And a servant of the Lord......must be patient.
Revelation 14:12 God's holy people must be patient.
Hebrews 10:36 For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

Here are a few things we are doing to pass the time while we wait for our travel date:

Dressing the dog like a princess

Vegging out in front of the television

Wildlife preserve park

Hiking

Smashing coins on the railroad track (is that even legal?!)

My week in three words

WAITING FOR AVA

Watch this.......What is your week in three words? Leave a comment.

Why I'm not crazy about road trips, and Why I can't hear myself think

Jude, the cutest "indian" in the kindergarten class

Check out the drawing he made on his indian vest...SO cute!

A Day of Thanksgiving Indeed

My sister and her husband (their very handsome son below)

My brother Joel, Hope, and my nephew Sebastian (please enlarge this picture and check out the eyelashes)

Our "adopted grandmother", Ms. Leader

Weird Americans....eating mexican food on Thanksgiving Day

My niece, Evi, singing a Thanksgiving song for our entertainment

If you think the Urbans are crazy......

If you think our family is crazy....
You ought to read about the Rieben family!

Richard and Valerie are the parents of 2 1/2 yr. old triplets (that's right, I said triplets!). That in and of itself makes them a crazy family, in my opinion. But they just returned from Uzbekistan two weeks ago. They returned with a little once-orphaned baby, Joshua, now a Rieben. And where are they now? In Ukraine...What are they doing there you might ask? They are bringing home another Rieben boy, Evan, a 3 yr. old with a medical condition affecting his muscle and limb development. Both children they are adopting have special needs and will require multiple surgeries, therapy, etc. These are special, special people, my friends.

Tomorrow I will be watching their blog very carefully. The orphanage where Evan lives happens to be the same orphanage where Ava lives. In fact, Evan and Ava are roommates! Valerie sent me the nicest email a couple of days ago promising to hold Ava and kiss her for us, and tell her that her family will be there soon for her. With all the craziness of her household, and planning a second international adoption in a 3 week period, that she would take the time to promise to send kisses to our daughter. That really meant the world to me. To know that Ava will be held soon, cuddled, kissed, talked to.... Pretty amazing! That makes the waiting a little bit more bearable tonight. Valerie, if you read this, THANK YOU. I can't wait to hear about her!

Is no news really good news? (Whoever made up that phrase never adopted internationally)

We expect to hear our travel date literally any day now. We were told to expect to wait 2-3 weeks from the day we submitted our dossier. Today it has been 3 weeks and 1 day. I am surprised at how email-obsessed I have become. There are tons of things I could be and should be doing right now, and instead, I keep checking my emails for a travel date. Things I should be doing right now:

1. Learning russian and Ukrainian cultural sensitity issues
2. Researching feeding issues
3. Looking for high chair, car seat, and exersaucer
4. Researching what kind of equipment we will need for whatever special needs Ava may come with.
5. Knitting a wool hat for Ava to wear (first I need to learn how to knit)
6. Reading a book about attachment issues in adoption (I actually have the books but I thought I would save them for the VERY long flight to Ukraine)
7. Reading up on disability benefits and insurance
8. Learning how to use that baby-sling I bought
9. Reading about different heart surgeries and post operative care
10.Shopping for a suitcase with wheels (we still use the green 1970s suitcases)
11.Buying long underwear and scarves
12.Making a list of instructions for whoever will watch the kids
13.Finding someone to watch the kids while we are gone (that is an important one!)
14.Start making a packing list
15.Making and freezing some meals for whoever will be watching the kids while we are gone
16.Taking pictures and making a family album to take to the orphanage with us
16.Pulling weeds
17.Cleaning bathrooms
18.Starting on the pumpkin and pecan pies for Thursday
19.Charging my cell phone
20.Comparing airline prices

Things I should NOT be doing right now:
Reading adoption blogs
Checking my email every 30 seconds

November is the month

Hope has been going around singing this little song from her preschool (to the tune of The Farmer in the Dell):

October is the Month
October is the Month
Hi Ho the Derry-O
October is the Month

I corrected her by telling her that actually now NOVEMBER is the month, and I began to sing the same song, substituting November for October.

Hope said, "No, it's NOT Nobember...it's TUESDAY."

A Sad Day on Sesame Street

A few years ago I was a good homeschooling mom, and we spent the whole month of November learning American history, particularly the first Thanksgiving. We did all sorts of crafts, and baking and really made it a special lesson! Come Thanksgiving Day, we were all sitting down to pray before our Thanksgiving feast, and Simeon said... "WHAT?! No Indians? Where are all the Indians?" Is it obvious why we decided homeschooling wasn't working out?