But yes, I am married to one of those guys who brings home flowers "just because". OK I'm not so special. The flowers are for me AND the girls to share.
And he brought home chocolates too!
This is a letter that Hope wrote. It says:
Dear Ava,
I love you so much and I am glad that you're not an orphan anymore and that you are my sister and I want you to come to my birthday party and all my friends can come and watch me do ballet.
Now that I told you that story, I can tell you this story:
I had read that it is very common for children to want to send their new sibling "back home" shortly after an adoption. In 2 1/2 months of being home with Ava we hadn't heard anything even remotely close to that.
That is, until last week.
Hope goes to preschool once a week, on Thursdays. I think I have mentioned in a previous post Hope's love for dresses (as well as her unawareness of the term lady-like). After several embarrassing public moments, I have started making her wear pants every time we go out. She is not happy about it.
After so much lamentation last Thursday morning, I finally had Ava and Hope (wearing pants) buckled in their car seats and on our way to school when Hope said, "Ava, I don't like you anymore. I want you to go back to the orphanage".
Dumbfounded, I pulled the car over. Knowing she had never demonstrated any ill feelings toward Ava, I knew something else was going on. I got her out of her seatbelt, sat her on my lap and said, "Hope, do you know what I think? I don't think you are mad at Ava at all. I think you're mad at ME because I wouldn't let you wear a dress today."
She started crying and admitted, yes, that is why she said what she said. Through tears she apologized to Ava, and I made her apologize to me too. Before we got to school, the girls were holding hands in the back seat again. Like always.
I've been bathing Ava in the kitchen sink but she has definitely outgrown it and gotten way to wiggly for it. Apparently they've stopped making those little bathtub seats because I haven't been able to find one....that is until I went garage sale-ing yesterday! I think she likes the kitchen sink better than the big bathtub. What do you think?
And how do you like the hairdo?
When I first stumbled across Reece's Rainbow Ministry about a year ago, I fell head over heels in love with this little boy from Estonia. His name is Andres. He is 9 (I suppose he would be 10 by now), and he has been waiting for his forever family for a very long time. I have prayed for him and shed many tears over this sweet face. As much as I wanted to be his mother, I knew that we were not the right family for him.
My good friend Jennifer sent me an email yesterday and it touched my heart. I wanted to post a portion of it here.
Someone asked what is sensory brushing? Well I am not even sure whether or not that is the right term for it, but that is what I'm calling it. Sensory brushing is a technique recommended by Ava's occupational therapist. We are supposed to brush her whole body every two hours, very firmly and with deep pressure with a brush that looks like this
OK not really. This is the actual brush, it is very soft and pleasant to touch but I wanted to imagine all my blog readers gasping as they saw that picture. :) Sorry.
I swear this looks an awful lot like the surgery scrub brushes I remember using for sterile techniques when I worked at the hospital. Don't know if is actually is one or just similar. Anyway, the brushing technique Ava absolutely hated at first, but tolerates it more and more every day. It is somehow supposed to help her nerves to tolerate new sensations, I guess? To be honest I thought it was silly at first, but since I finally did it like I was SUPPOSED to yesterday, and we had such great results in her feeding, I am now a firm believer in brushing therapy. (It is used on autistic children as well I believe).
So how did she do on feeding today? Well I'm glad you asked. Ava ate NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE VANILLA PUDDING CUPS TODAY!!!! Every last bit, she ate and she loved it!! I'm almost afraid to try anything but vanilla pudding for now, I don't want her freaking out on me again. I need to go buy a giant case of it tomorrow.
Today I had my follow up appointment for my miscarriage. It was harder than I thought it would be. Sitting in the waiting room next to ladies with round bellies, walking past the wall of photos of babies that were delivered by Dr. Myers....pictures of smiling mommies and daddies, precious newborn babies wrapped in pink or blue blankets. I saw the ultrasound machine that we had looked forward to seeing our baby kicking or sucking its thumb. Instead it had less than 3 weeks ago confirmed that indeed, our baby's heart had stopped beating.
I had told John not to worry, to please not take another day off work. I'll be fine, I said, I could make it on my own today. I wish now I wouldn't have been so confident in myself.
I burst into tears when the doctor asked me what we named the baby. I wouldn't have expected a doctor to ask but I was glad he did. "That's a nice name," he said. He asked how we grieved our loss. I told him where we buried the baby, and that the kids want to go "visit" him every day. I'm glad to have a doctor that asks these kinds of questions.
Then we talked about options, do we want to "try" again? I just don't know how one makes these decisions. On the one hand we thought we were done having kids 3 months ago. On the other hand, how could we end like this? I suppose now is not the time to decide.
When I was checking out, I handed my yellow paper to the receptionist. Apparently she didn't notice the handwritten words, "Follow up miscarriage", because she asked, "How many weeks are you?"....Uh, I didn't know what to say, and I just looked at her. She then glanced down at the page and got a mortified look on her face and apologized. I wonder which one of us was more uncomfortable. Again, I burst into tears, and cried all the way down the hall, down the elevator (where a lady handed me a bag of Kleenex) and through the parking lot into my car.
My kids have asked me why do I cry? He is in heaven, he is not in pain, Mom. We will see him again. I know, I know. All these things are true and they bring me comfort. But will it ever stop feeling like somebody is missing? I know that no other child, by birth or adoption will replace THAT child, and I suppose that is why it is hard to make "the decision". I know the pain will lessen, the grieving will subside. Meanwhile I hope people can understand I just need to be sad every now and then, and grieve the baby, Baby #6 that I never got to cuddle. I know so many of you can understand. And I thank you for holding my hand through it.
I'll apologize in advance for all the photos but I couldn't narrow it down to my favorite one or two, so I decided to include all of them. I was just on the phone this morning with my parents talking about yesterday's video and bragging about all of Ava's progress. I told them there is one area in which I have been very discouraged, however, and that is in the area of feeding.
I guess I spoke too soon. Look what she did tonight..(You won't believe it Rachel!) Besure to scroll all the way down to the bottom photo!
Yes, she ate the WHOLE thing!!!! (Without crying or gagging)
I have tried and tried to get Ava to try baby food, pudding, crackers, suckers, etc. etc. You name it, I've tried it. Because of her sensory issues, it has been like pulling hen's teeth to get her to open her mouth to anything but her bottle or my fingers (Ouch! By the way, whoever diagnosed her with low muscle tone never tested her jaw muscles, or her eye muscles while putting eye ointment in them. )
Anyway, today I did two things differently. One, instead of giving her the baby food before the bottles like I have every other time, I gave her the pudding after her regular evening bottles. Second, today was the first day that I actually did her sensory brushing exactly as prescribed by the occupational therapist. Instead of brushing her when it came to mind, I stayed on a schedule of every two hours. I don't know which of these things was the key, but you'd better believe I'll be doing it exactly the same tomorrow.
I've blogged about my friend Shelley before. Probably more than once. She and her husband Robert adopted from Ava's orphanage just a few months before we did. Well they are now on their THIRD adoption in 8 months. They are in Eastern Europe again right now, and tomorrow they will complete the first ever adoption of a child with Down Syndrome out of Serbia. This is big news. Remember the national news story that came out recently about the conditions of special needs orphanages in Serbia? Well it wasn't pretty. And now Shelley and Robert are having an opportunity to change the hearts and minds of people of influence in Eastern Europe. Again. She asked me to put together a slide show presentation about Ava and the progress she has made in the two months she has been in a family, which I did today. Most of these therapy pictures just happened this morning. Isn't she doing great? I am honored that my daughter will be an example tomorrow as to the potential that a child with special needs can have by just being in a FAMILY and not an institution. Enjoy watching it. I sure enjoyed making it. :)
Well I am happy to report that Ava is continuing to progress beautifully. We had a follow up with the ENT specialist on Friday, a follow up with the opthamologist this morning, and a weight and blood check this afternoon with the pediatrician, and got great reports from all three!
ENT (Ear Nose Throat) report: Ear tubes are intact and working. She healed up nicely from her tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy. Her hearing test, which was 50 on the first visit (Should be 10-15) was 30 on the follow-up post ear tube checkup. This is obviously better than before, but they want to do a ABR test, which basically is a test where she will be sedated (not under anesthesia, but just asleep). They will be able to measure her brain's response to sound waves, apparently this is a much more accurate hearing test on kids who don't necessarily respond physically, by turning their head or raising their hands, to sound. That is scheduled for May 7 (at nap time of course).
Opthamologist report: Eyes are healing nicely (They'd better be healing nicely at $97 for a 3.5g tube of eye ointment!!!!). Her eyes appear to be perfectly aligned, and the doctor sees no reason why she should need another surgery. (He had told me previously that about 20 % of the time they will need to go back and "fine tune" the muscle alignment). We'll have a follow-up in three months just to make sure.
Pediatrician: Ava weighs 23lb 14 oz now (and that was on an empty stomach and with a dry diaper) :) She had been previously very anemic, we have been giving her iron supplements. She is now at a low-normal. We'll reduce the iron from 3 times a day to only once a day, and recheck in a month.
Occupational and Physical Therapy: I'll let you see for yourself. I am getting ready to post a video. :)
For a wedding gift one of my college roommates gave me a nice notebook. At the bridal shower she threw for me, each person present took a page and wrote something to me...a marriage wish, a blessing, a prayer (and of course the usual marriage humor and jokes). About the time I was getting married, I heard my dad mention how much he wished he had a record of where or how our family spent Christmas every year, that he wished he would have journaled more as a way to remember past events.
So back to my notebook. My wedding notebook has turned into a family journal, a record of important and sentimental family events. Every holiday, birth, vacation, birthday, or special moment, even funny things the kids have said has been recorded in this book and it has become such a treasure to me. I have kept it in a special hiding place so nobody could get to it and use it as drawing paper.
Apparently though, someone DID found it...and used it.
So why wasn't I mad? See for yourself.
I got an email this morning from a fellow adoptive mom, a blog friend, who is in the process of adopting these three beautiful girls, all sisters, from an orphanage in Haiti. The email was a plead for prayers and assistance for their orphanage that is experiencing a food shortage because of recent riots in the area. I cannot imagine what Melissa felt when she read this, knowing her girls are so far away and she can't feed them when they are hungry or comfort them when they are hurting.
I copied this from her blog, if anyone is interested in helping these little girls and the other orphans in Haiti.
We are writing this letter to ask for your help with the current situation in Haiti.
The United States Department of State issued a Travel warning on April 11, 2008.
(http://travel.state.gov ) Here is part of that statement. “Protesters angered by high food prices filled the streets of Port-au-Prince, forcing businesses and schools to close. Demonstrations continue and have frequently turned violent with firing of weapons, rock throwing, tire-burning, erection of street barricades, and looting. The violence has forced most people to stay indoors and stranded others in isolated locations.”
Reading this paragraph is heart breaking, knowing that the people of Haiti have turned to violence because they are starving and cannot afford food. Please know that the children in the orphanage
At this time still have food to eat, but with prices of food on the rise it will be difficult to continue to buy food and supplies for the children. Most of you have already been involved in raising money and supplies for this sweet little orphanage and we are greatly appreciative of your efforts. We are just asking that everyone let your friends and family know that we are in
Immediate need of sending money to Haiti to help off set the cost of food.
Current food prices in Haiti:
1 50kg (110 lbs) of rice is 2000gds. ($52.28us)
1 50kg (110 lbs.) of beans is 3000gds ($78.43us)
1 bottle of cooking oil is 300gds ($7.84)
This gives you a little idea of the basic costs of food in Haiti. We are also asking families that will be going on the next couple of parent trips to bring these food items, along with formula and medicines such as children’s and infants Tylenol as your donations, of course all other donations are needed and will be gladly taken. We just want to be sure that the children have food to eat!
Donations are tax deductible and can be made out and sent to:
Wasatch International Adoptions
3577 Washington Blvd.
Ogden Ut. 84403
(Be sure to write food relief: hope for the little Angels of Haiti on your checks)
