Ava's first signs

We have been working, per Occupational Therapy, towards getting Ava to communicate her wants. The easiest way to do this, I suppose, is in the swing (I hope you're not getting too tired of the swinging videos, but it is her favorite place to be besides my sling carrier). Rachel (OT) taught her how to use her hands to sign "go". We had to model it several times, and do it for her several times. Eventually she figured it out, and she has been signing "go" for a little over a week now. Watch:

Today however, she decided she didn't want to sign go anymore, at least not the way we think it should look. Instead she made up her own sign for "I'm ready to swing now, can you please push me?" Watch this:

Have I mentioned how much I love this girl? She is amazing me every day.

A Birthday Celebration

I had more than enough help decorating the birthday cake...not to mention helpers to clean the icing off the beaters. :)

I thought I was so clever having the girls decorate their own goody bags. I forgot to read the directions of the bubble paint that says it takes 48 hours to dry! I would have had to keep everyone for 2 days for my brilliant plan to work. Another one of those, "should have thought that through" moments....

We had a great time, and to top it off had a cousin spend the night. Remember my griping about the cost of American girl dolls when we went to Dallas? Well look what one of my faithful blog friends and her daughters sent! Liesel was so excited about everything she got, but this morning she told me that Alyssa was her favorite gift of all! Thank you to the special friends who sent her!

Frankenstein Eyes

Here are those beautiful eyes I told you about. Jude is a little disappointed that we got Ava's eyes corrected. He thought it was really cool that she could move her eyes in two different directions. He told me the other day, "Mom, sometimes I wish I had Down Syndrome because they can do way cooler things than we can" (i.e. the splits).

By the way, she is much happier after a good night's rest (You were right, Bethany). She is totally back to her normal happy self.

Strabismus Surgery, Before and After Pictures

Before.....

Ava had eye surgery this morning and she is not too happy about it. The doctor said it wouldn't be painful, only 'itchy'. I thought he meant itchy like 'I'm so tired my eyes are itchy' or 'there is smog in the air so my eyes are itchy'. Apparently it's more like 'There is a gnat in my eye and I can't get it out' kind of itchy. Evidently she has a much higher tolerance to pain than she does to "itchiness". :(

I was not prepared for the "Frankenstein eyes" as my friend Lisa described them. This is the only "after" photo I have so far. She hasn't kept her eyes open long enough to let me snap a close up. Here I am attempting to make Borsch for dinner. I think I have forever ruined my appetite for Ukrainian food, not only for myself but for my whole family as well. Who knew that Borsch was nothing more than beets, broth, vinegar, and some spices?! I hope I haven't ruined yours as well. Reminds me of the time I discovered that icing was made out of Crisco shortening. I have picked the icing off the cake ever since. Which reminds me....I have a birthday cake to bake.

Ava's new favorite toy

Today school was out because of flooding, and I had to take all 5 kids to therapy. Not so fun. Hope had brought a little baby doll with us and offered it to Ava's OT Rachel, saying, "Ava can play with this if she wants." Well, I thought the last thing she would want to play with was a baby doll. After all, isn't she supposed to be stimulated with lights and sounds and buttons and spinning things? But just to appease Hope we offered the baby doll. Wouldn't you know...She LOVED the baby doll. She started rubbing its head, licking its face (kissing it?), holding it to her chest. She was even making sounds that I rarely hear, "Mmmmm, Bbbbbb". She was so excited about this little doll! So Rachel used it for a motivator for rolling over, reaching, and even "fed" the doll pudding and let Ava lick the pudding off. It was Oh-so-cute. Of course I forgot my camera, again, but Rachel let me use hers so hopefully I'll have some to post soon. Meanwhile, here we are at home later playing with the same little doll. She is sleeping with it now as I type up this post.




A friend listened to me describe a mat that I was looking for for Ava to lay on. Something textured, easy to clean, colorful, something like an alphabet puzzle I said. A week or so later, look what showed up on my front porch. :) (Thanks Cherish if you are reading this). One of the letters is missing, can you tell which it is? I'm sure it will turn up, but it reminded me of the joke about the little boy who had to use the bathroom but his teacher made him recite the alphabet first. When he skipped the "P", she asked, "Johnny, where is your P?" And Johnny said, "Running down my leg". I think my dad told me that joke.

My friend Michelle wrote this poem for Ava, and I meant to include it in my last post. I need to frame it, I love it. I love how she thinks, how she writes. She is a wonderful advocate for her daughter who is so beautiful and smart, and happens to have Down Syndrome. Michelle has been a tremendous resource for me and other parents as well. Here is the poem.

Child of my heart
not of my blood
I created our bond
when I fell in love

You lay there alone
wasting away
waiting for someone
to come your way.

Locked inside yourself
no one to hold
Secrets inside you
waiting to be told

Our love can unlock them
starting tonight
we didnt give you birth
but we did give you life.

My favorite Christmas presents this year, there were two actually...We got a phone call from our facilitator on Christmas Day telling us our SDA appointment (They work Christmas Day in Ukraine). The other gift I received was this video link from Valerie, who had just returned from meeting her son who lived in the same special needs room as Ava. The only way I could figure out to post it was by putting on the link......CLICK HERE

Can you see why we were so smitten with her? I probably watched this video 100 times in the 3 1/2 weeks from the time we received it to the time we got to meet her for ourselves.

A couple of observations we have had since we've brought Ava home....
1. Remember the train ride when I was trying to get her to sleep and she was SO ticklish? Any kind of touch to her face or her body would send her into giggles. Well she is not nearly so ticklish anymore. Must be that she is receiving so much more stimulation now and she is not so sensitive.

2 .Remember how dry and crusty her skin was? Well within days of having her she has the most beautiful pink skin.

3. When we used to pick her up she was stiff and drew her little legs and hands to the center of her body. Now she feels more relaxed when you hold her.

4. The only way we could get her to smile or laugh at first was to stimulate her....tickle her. Now she smiles and laughs when her daddy gets home from work and gets close to her, when her brothers and sisters do somersaults or jumps up and down, when she hears a funny noise.

5. Her hair is growing in some places, and not in others. I thought at first it was just "orphan hair", bald where she had laid for so long, and that is certainly part of it because some patches have grown in. But some haven't. I haven't talked to the pediatrician about it yet, but I believe she has alopecia. Any hair dressers or dermatologists out there that can give their advice on this?

6. She made her first sign, although it's pretty subtle, she can sign "go" when she wants to be pushed in the swing. We wait until she lifts her arms up, usually after we say, "Ready....Set...." then we wait...When she lifts her little hands, we push her. You know how much she loves to swing, so this is good motivation for her to indicate what she wants in order for a need to be met.

7. She can be quite stubborn, especially when it comes to trying anything by mouth other than her bottle. (Surprise surprise).

8. We love her more and more every day. When I looked at this video the other day, I realized how much I loved her from a distance on Christmas Day 2007, but how much more since we know her and she seems to love us back. John has thanked me several times since we have been home for talking him into adoption. He just said to me last night, "I'm so glad we adopted her. Thanks for being so persistent." HA. Now you all know that I can be persistent. :)

8 years old

This little brown-eyed beauty with a pretzel mustache turned 8 yesterday. Her daddy took flowers and cupcakes up to school and ate lunch with her. And her birthday dinner of choice? Sushi. I found myself wondering how many 8 yr. olds choose sushi for their birthday dinner. She enjoyed telling the waitress last night that she was the first in her family to celebrate her "golden birthday" (If you don't know what a golden birthday is, it's the birthday that you turn the same number as the date you were born...8 years old on April 8. My cousin taught me that, but I get the feeling she made it up). We'll have a party this weekend.

I'll never forget that night 8 years ago that my sweet little baby girl was born at home. Her grandpa called her his little mermaid since she was born in the water. That was a beautiful night and we've had so many great moments with this little girl. I know there are many more to come.

It was a beautiful day on Sunday so we decided to spend it fishing at the lake.

Note to self: Get a babysitter for Hope next time we go fishing. She was far more preoccupied with freeing the captive"meadows" (minnows) than she was concerned whether any of us would catch any fish.

Does Ava love fishing or does she love riding on her daddy's back and patting his neck?

I caught Hope again....sneaking some of the "meadows" out and dropping them in the lake.

The only one who caught a fish was the one who didn't care....ME! Of course nobody grabbed the camera to snap my photo with the tiny little perch at the end of my pole.

A few of us got tired of fishing and went over to play on the "beach" (Oklahoma style...a couple of truckloads of sand dumped by the lakeshore)....

Ava's tiny little feet touching sand for the first time. Aren't her little toes cute?

Nobody heeded my instructions of "only get in to the knees" (Didn't think to pack swimsuits). Notice the water line at upper chest level?

Awwww....Isn't she cute? She surprised me, she really loved the feel of sand on her feet and even on her hands! That brush therapy must be doing wonders (Thanks Rachel!)

You haven't lived until you've had sand in your eyes, right? What a cute sight, a little Ukrainian orphan girl that was just bundled up in layers and layers two months ago, now barefoot on the 'beach'.

Everyone is wet, sandy, and extremely silly for our trip back home.

And...staying true to Urban family tradition, we stopped by Long John Silver's for a bite to eat on our way home from yet another unsuccessful fishing endeavor.

Toys

Remember the floppy little girl who couldn't sit up, and didn't know what to do with a toy when you set it in front of her? Well, here she is sitting up strong and pushing buttons to hear the music play!

Decisions, decisions

Well I had a meeting today. I guess it's called an IEP meeting. My first IEP meeting. It was at the local elementary school, and present were the special education teacher, vice principal, a representative of the Special Education department, and myself (with Ava of course). She has been evaluated for services, and she placed on about a 7 month level (it would have been lower except she placed at 28 months for her attention span! Wow!) Not sure how they figure these things out...but they are the experts I guess.

So we met today to discuss the services they offer at the school. I got a tour of her classes and I was so impressed with the special rooms, equipment, student/teacher ratio, etc. What I especially loved is how all three teachers just LOVED Ava, and can't wait to have her in their class. The main teacher said she is afraid she'll neglect her teaching because she'll want to hold and play with Ava all day (there is a rocking chair in the classroom for special kids just like Ava). Ava will be their 6th student. And there are 3 teachers. They will provide OT, PT, and ST. They will help her with some of the feeding issues and sensory issues she is having. And the best part is it's free!!! What more could I ask for?

But then I got so sad as I left there today. If I was to be honest, I don't know that she knows I'm her mother. I think she understands that she belongs here with us, but what does a family really mean to a child with fairly severe mental delays who has had her basic survival needs met but not much else? I remember feeling like I was committing perjury when the judge in Ukraine looked straight into my eyes and asked the unexpected question, "Does the child Alina recognize you as her mother?" Knowing I wouldn't lie, yet not wanting to risk losing the right to become her mother, I responded, "I would like to think that she recognizes me as her mother." The judge smiled, I guess that was good enough for the judge. 

So we have the weekend to pray and discuss and weigh the benefits of putting her in school vs. keeping her at home to bond and such. Granted it is only 2 1/2 hours 4 days a week. And the kids aren't here anyway during the day. I really feel like she needs all the interaction and services she can get (Not to mention that I'd like to go to the store by myself once in a while). But I also really feel like she needs me. We do have the option of sending her one time a week up to four times a week. So I may just try it out and see how things are working.

I will say that she loved the dark room with the strobe lights and the green beads and glow-in-the-dark stars hanging from the ceiling....a LOT. And there is a really cool swing too.

Playing dress up with the boys

I heard Jude dressing Ava up like a "cowboy" last night.

That's OK. She still has her toenails painted! Very feminine!

Japanese Fast Food

We went to this restaurant the other night as a family. It was so fun! It's called The Sushi Train, and there is literally a train that runs around the bar area. Each "car" contains a sushi dish, and you just grab whatever looks good to you as it passes by. The sushi is priced by the color of the plate, so we were able to tell the kids they could pick a red, blue or yellow plate (the cheapest ones, aren't we terrible?). There were even little gummy bear sushi's for dessert. So fun! I loved it, the kids loved it, and John wasn't so crazy about it, but he enjoyed watching the train and the rest of us loving the train AND the sushi!

     Thank you all for your meaningful comments, prayers, and encouraging words. Thank you particularly to those who call themselves "lurkers" who introduced themselves. :) What a special feeling to know prayers were going up from Indiana, Kansas, and even England and Australia for our family (and don't forget the grandparents in Mexico). Wow.

     Well as you may have guessed we found out this week that we lost our baby (Ava is fine!). I was 12 weeks along, and having some spotting we were concerned enough to go in and get checked out. My midwife was not able to hear the heartbeat, and my doctor's office was overbooked, so we ended up going to the ER for an ultrasound on Monday. We did not receive good news. While he said he didn't see any signs of life, I just felt like I needed to hang on the the tiny bit of hope that I had, that perhaps they rushed through the ultrasound too quickly, that my dates were off, or maybe even that the doctor was just plain wrong. I wasn't quite ready to believe that we had lost the baby, not just yet, and that is why I asked for your prayers without coming right out and saying why.

   After having a second ultrasound today and confirming an "imminent miscarriage" (this time with my doctor present to answer questions) we feel a peace that only God can give. I will be honest.... I have a hundred questions. WHY? Why, when we didn't "plan" it in the first place? Why do we have to get so attached to and excited about this little person that we do not know yet but still love with all of our hearts, only to lose them? There are many, many things in life that I do not understand, losing babies being one of them. Our kids asked some of the same questions, and then some others that I would never have said aloud. But kids....you know, they say what they think. I am making my list to ask the Lord someday. I'm sure He will give me some brilliant answer but I can't think of what that would be right now.  For now, we all agree, God is good, and we will praise Him even when times are hard and through things we can't quite grasp.

   Meanwhile we are grieving. I have learned from this experience that a baby is a baby whether newly conceived or well into its 3rd trimester. The fact that a million and one women have been through it or the fact that I already have 5 other children to enjoy doesn't make THIS child any less special, and it doesn't necessarily make the grieving any easier. 

     When we told the kids Monday after school, there were some tears shed. Simeon asked if we could name the baby. We all thought it was a good idea. We couldn't give the baby a name without a gender, and so we took a vote. It was unanimously a boy. Jude suggested John, and we all loved it. "Baby John", meaning God is gracious. The kids all kissed my tummy and we had our good-bye's. I wish I would have thought to email all their teachers though, because when they went to school the next day to tell their sad news to their classmates....Apparently some thought it was a sick April Fools' joke. :(

     A friend shared this prayer with me: 

Dear God, I've dreampt of holding my child on my knee and telling them about you... but I cannot. Instead, will you hold my child on your knee and tell them about me?

Another shared this:
And God Said

I said, "God, I hurt." And God said, "I know."
I said, "God, I cry a lot." And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."
I said, "God, I am so depressed." And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine."
I said, "God, life is so hard." And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones."
I said, "God, my son died." And God said, "So did mine."
I said, "God, it is such a loss." And God said, "I saw my son nailed to a cross."
I said, "God, but your son lives." And God said, "So does yours."
I said, "God, where are they now?" And God said, "Mine is on My right and Yours is in the Light."
I said, "God, it hurts." And God said, "I know."

~Authors K. C. and Myke Kuzmic~

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."- Psalm 126:5

Please keep our family in your prayers today. We are going through a difficult time. I don't know how to blog about it just yet, but I will in a few days. We know God is good, and we continue to praise Him even in hard times.

Elephant Paints Self Portrait

I don't think this was meant to be funny, but I must just be in one of those moods where everything is funny.....This just cracked me up. I kept trying to figure out if it is an arm disguised as an elephant truck, but....I think it's the real thing! Absolutely amazing.....and hilarious. (Grab your kids!) P.S. Liesel says, "It doesn't really look like an elephant, but it's still pretty good."

John took Ava and Simeon to Bass Pro Shop. He just sent me this photo from his phone. For some reason it was really funny to me. She looks SO uninterested, but it sure makes a cute picture!

Ava's surgery....

Well she did great! No tonsils, no adenoids, and now she has some handy dandy ear tubes to help drain the accumulation of fluid behind her ear drums. She'll be able to hear so much better now! One cute story....When Ava was first being admitted and the nurse was trying to get her vital signs....She asked John to hold her arm steady so she could get a blood pressure. The nurse said something like, "We don't want her to wiggle". The minute Ava heard "wiggle", she grinned real big and showed off her latest wiggle dance! Of course the nurse did not appreciate the wiggle dance even a FRACTION of how we appreciated it!

I couldn't resist taking this photo. It looks like Ava is thinking, "It's going to be OK Papa, don't worry about me.....I'll be just fine."

The oxygen was history the minute she woke up. She did not want that thing on her face!

All done! She feels great!

I'm not sure if the kids were more excited to see Ava or the helicopter landing pad outside her hospital window. Hmmm......

John stayed the night with her (He was pretty excited that he got to watch basketball too) and I came home to put the rest of the crew to bed. When I laid with Hope tonight she said, "Mommy, I'm so so so so so so so sad." I asked why she was said, and she said, "Because Ava isn't here with me."

You can follow John's blog ........

for Ava's T&A surgery progress today. It will be an overnight stay, and he'll be staying with her tonight.

I totally forgot....Please say a prayer for Ava tomorrow bright and early. She's getting ear tubes and having her tonsils and adenoids removed. I know she'll do fine, but it's always nice to know someone is praying. Thanks!

Something really special happened today. I got a call last week from my husband's cousin's wife's mom....(confused?)....I don't see her very often, in fact it has probably been several years. She called to congratulate us on Ava, and then she said she wanted to come over to bring a "gift" for Ava and our family. About an hour later she was in my living room (along with my husband's cousin's wife...i.e. her daughter.....even more confused?) with a gift bag full of cards and a big check. Turns out, she is in a Beth Moore Bible Study through her church, and the ladies were studying the fruits of the spirit, and it happened that the week they were talking about "love", the article about our family adopting Ava had came out in the newspaper. One of the ladies brought the article to show as an example of the love of God, and this group of ladies so graciously and generously, in turn, took up a "love offering" for our family. When I opened the envelope, I was quite surprised and humbled to see the check, but it wasn't until they left, and I had a chance to read all the cards, that the tears began to flow. There was so much love in the words of these ladies, and heartfelt prayers for Ava and our family, that I really couldn't contain my emotions. I was glad I was by myself. Anyway, they invited Ava and me to come and visit, and that is just what we did this morning. They let me share a little bit about our adoption, then they circled the two of us and sang a beautiful song and prayed for us. It was so touching, and I am so grateful. I love how God brings people into our lives, even maybe ones we don't know, to lift us up in prayer and surround us with encouragement when we need it most. I hope they don't mind me including their picture on my blog, but it was just one of those things I really had to share.