Well I had a meeting today. I guess it's called an IEP meeting. My first IEP meeting. It was at the local elementary school, and present were the special education teacher, vice principal, a representative of the Special Education department, and myself (with Ava of course). She has been evaluated for services, and she placed on about a 7 month level (it would have been lower except she placed at 28 months for her attention span! Wow!) Not sure how they figure these things out...but they are the experts I guess.
So we met today to discuss the services they offer at the school. I got a tour of her classes and I was so impressed with the special rooms, equipment, student/teacher ratio, etc. What I especially loved is how all three teachers just LOVED Ava, and can't wait to have her in their class. The main teacher said she is afraid she'll neglect her teaching because she'll want to hold and play with Ava all day (there is a rocking chair in the classroom for special kids just like Ava). Ava will be their 6th student. And there are 3 teachers. They will provide OT, PT, and ST. They will help her with some of the feeding issues and sensory issues she is having. And the best part is it's free!!! What more could I ask for?
But then I got so sad as I left there today. If I was to be honest, I don't know that she knows I'm her mother. I think she understands that she belongs here with us, but what does a family really mean to a child with fairly severe mental delays who has had her basic survival needs met but not much else? I remember feeling like I was committing perjury when the judge in Ukraine looked straight into my eyes and asked the unexpected question, "Does the child Alina recognize you as her mother?" Knowing I wouldn't lie, yet not wanting to risk losing the right to become her mother, I responded, "I would like to think that she recognizes me as her mother." The judge smiled, I guess that was good enough for the judge.
So we have the weekend to pray and discuss and weigh the benefits of putting her in school vs. keeping her at home to bond and such. Granted it is only 2 1/2 hours 4 days a week. And the kids aren't here anyway during the day. I really feel like she needs all the interaction and services she can get (Not to mention that I'd like to go to the store by myself once in a while). But I also really feel like she needs me. We do have the option of sending her one time a week up to four times a week. So I may just try it out and see how things are working.
I will say that she loved the dark room with the strobe lights and the green beads and glow-in-the-dark stars hanging from the ceiling....a LOT. And there is a really cool swing too.
14 comments:
I'm sure she senses that you are her mama. I think I would start off a couple days a week for a month or two and then move it up if she is doing well. 2 hours, 4 times a week is not that much time away from you and I think of how beneficial it will be for Ava.
BTW, how are you feeling?
It should also be an option to receive her related services (OT, PT, speech) only. That's what I do with my son, who is 3, and I was very UNimpressed with the classroom setting/teacher. I take him to the school 3 X a week and he gets his therapy sessions and then we go home, just like going to an outpatient clinic for therapy. Also, I'm not sure on the specifics, but she could also get home based services.....all the therapies plus a special education teacher that come to your home. And with your bonding concern, I would think that would be a good argument for home based services if that is what you wanted to start out with. There is so much to learn when it comes to the school system and knowing your rights as a parent. We are the most important part of that IEP team, we know our kids best and schools are usually pretty good at accommodating our requests. Good luck! She is beautiful, painted toes and all:)
Listen to your heart and do what you think is best. With my son, I take him to speech twice a week and he has home based therapies also. Next school year, we MAY put him in 2 or 3 days a week. (Not sure) Eventually, we plan on home schooling all the kids but want to take advantage of the school opportunities as well. Do what you feel is right for your daughter. It will work out.
Forgot to sign the last ANONYMOUS post...sorry. Just a lurker..
Jan
p.s. Hope you are doing well!
it sounds like a really nice school, GREAT ratios, and of course...she liked it. One other thing to consider is this..will they let you come hang out and observe? Will you be able to volunteer and be there, having all the great STUFF and advice, but not ALL the responsibilities? I think that the times sound quite good, IF the program is good. You have to gauge the program, the setting, see if it lights her up and gets her excited, sounds like it does. 2 hours isnt a whole lot of time, and you are right, SOME mom alone time is a good thing, especially when you have a fairly high needs child. I think I would do it, in your shoes. Its just 2 hrs, you can likely be there for some of it, and well...you may find they have tools there that help her make gains. Follow your heart, trust your own gut, and watch Ava for signs of what SHE wants. Sounds like a great little place.
Charissa,
I would not take and leave Ava 4 time a week. I do think she needs more time with you to bond. She hasn't been home that long. I would suggest maybe 1 day a week and then ask them if you can stay with her on a second day each week, just to observe and watch how they do their therapies....you will learn a lot. It's your decision, go with your heart. Start out slowly...and increase it when you feel comfortable.:)
Amy
Could you wait until the Fall to put her in school? We are going to wait until the Fall to put Evan in school for this very reason. Because he has been home for such a short time and he will be undergoing several surgeries within the next few months, we just felt it would be in his best interest to have more time at home to bond and to adjust to all of the changes in his life. We currently have him in private PT/OT, which of course, costs (although it is not a huge burden on the pocket book with insurance coverage), but it is worth the money to have him home a little longer. Now, if you have the option of being there with her, at least some of the time, so that she can ease into it and hopefully differentiate between who is mommy and who is teacher or go simply to receive the PT/OT/ST services (or even receive home-based services) that would be fantastic!
Making these decisions for our little ones is so tough. Follow your heart! It won't lead you astray!
Like one poster said, follow your heart.
Alina, might not realise your her mother, because she doesn't know what a mother is yet. You have a lifetime to work on that.
The only reason I would suggest she goes to school the full time is because you have talked about her having sensory issues. I feel that varied setting would help with that. If you had no other children, I would of highly recommended that she go to school, so she could learn from other children. But you have a house full so she is learning much from them. It really sounds like a great set up, but it is up to you to do what you all feel is the best for you and for her. I do think some time for yourself is good. Mercede started school at 18 months, and even rode a bus at that age. She really blossomed and I hated when we had to move away when she was two and there wasn't a school for her to go too. I have seen alot of different settings. Like Michelle said, ask if you can volunteer in the classroom. I really liked doing that when the girls were in preschool and grade school, so I could see what was going on. I got Mercede out of one school after not liking their program for kids with disabilities. It is really good to know how the classroom runs and how the teachers react and teach the children. Good luck with the decision!
Opps, I meant AVA earlier. After I read your post I had the statement in my head when the judge said "Alina" Sorry
Hi Charissa,
My only advice would be to pray and follow your gut. We have had our daughter (autism, apraxia, sensory integration issues) at a number of different schools. Each time I had to take her out and start her anew with new therapists and teachers, it was incredibly difficult. But in my heart and in my gut, I knew we made the right decisions each time. If they are willing to be flexible with you, I would take them up on that and start slow. Sit in on the day at first and make contact with each therapist. Have a communication notebook where they note progress, homework for you, what they worked on EACH session and where you can communicate with them as well ("Ava was sick this weekend" "Ava is starting to crawl" whatever)-- SO important for non-verbal children. We had a 5 subject notebook, a section for OT, Speech, PT, and teachers. I would write back and that is an easy way to stay in the loop. Pop in unannounced every now and again to make sure she is ok, they are doing what they say, all is well. Eventually maybe you will be comfortable leaving her the full 4 days, or maybe not. Mom knows best!
Kelly S
hi charissa,
here's my 2 cents...
follow your heart first and if you feel comfortable start her at 'school' a couple of times a week to make an actual impression for ava (once a week my not be enough). she seems like she is thriving with all her new challenges and would benefit from the different therapies. it also sounds like you would benefit from a bit of grown up time to recharge your own 'batteries' to be your best when you have ava and the rest of your children at home.
start as slow as you feel is comfortable, sit in at the beginning and enjoy her experience.
she will always be bonding with you!
best regards,
rachel
She knows you are her mama I'm sure! I hope school goes well, it does sound great! WHenever we get a new child with DS everyone tells the parents, watch out for Cammie, she will take him/her home so I know how her teacher feels! The student/teacher ratio sounds really good! I would love for you to give it a try, you can always take her out if you feel it's not working. BTW, I didn't get to send your package today but it will go out on Monday!
Charissa,
Speaking for myself; I want Kara to stay with me until the next school year in August where she will also do 4 days a week for 2 1/2 hours in Project Able, it is too late for this school year anyway.
I too feel like we both need bonding time without others involved, since she is used to multiple caregivers, I do not want her confused by too many people in her life right now. Just immediate family.
Charissa -
We started our daughter with the school district at age 3... she is severely speech delayed and does have developmental delays. IF you are comfortable with where she is at - that is a HUGE benefit! You may want to try less days a week in the first two weeks and see how you AND she both do. You have about 2 months left of the school year (unless you are at year round school) and those few months can make a HUGE difference!
Go with your gut instinct - if it does not work out - being an IEP - YOU are in control and can ask to have the changes made!
Good luck to you (both!)
Amy
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