Day 2 at the orphanage

I have never seen the power of prayer more evident that I did yesterday. We started out the day full of unrest and fears and questions, and by the time we layed in our bed last night, we were filled with peace and joy in our hearts. After my last post, we got a good meal (finally), took a nap, had a cup of coffee, and spent some time in prayer.

We both agreed that we had come all this way for Ava, and birth father or not, we would not leave her here.She needs us, and we need her too.

So she is more delayed than we expected. Of course she is! She has spent all four of her years of life in a crib looking at white walls. She is malnourished, dehydrated, vitamin and protein deficient, lacking in stimulation. Just getting her in our home will make a world of difference. John said, "Even if she doesn't walk, so what? We'll just strap her on our backs and carry her until she gets too heavy, and then we'll get her a wheelchair." :) Do you see why I love that man so much? Happiness really has nothing to do with the ability to walk anyway.

So after making the decision, we began to feel tremendous peace. We missed our chance to see her in the morning (miscommunication on the visitation times), so we spent the afternoon taking a nap and doing paperwork. We gave her her name: Ava Alina Grace Urban.

On the way to the orphanage at 3:30, we began to pray for a second chance of special bonding time with her, and that the Lord would encourage us with signs of life in her. Then I realized, her name means life! Ava means life! When they brought her to me the second time, a love came over me like I can't explain. Not just a godly kind of love, but a maternal love! I held her in my arms and stroked her bald head, held her dry crusty hands, and rocked her emaciated pale little body, as John played "When Love Takes You In" by Steven Curtis Chapman. We both wept as we had the most beautiful time of bonding with her. Later I put her on my tummy and we looked at each other face to face and she looked into my eyes for a long time. She had an inquisitive look. She looked at John too, and stared into his eyes, and after a little bit she leaned in to him and started licking his whiskers!! (Hey-it's a start). It was so cute and it was cracking us up!

She was mesmerized by his iphone! She loves music, and followed the iphone with her eyes. She tracks and follows very well, which is huge!! Then I remembered the teddy bear that the kids had put together for her, and we got that out. I'm sure she has never seen a teddy bear that sings before. Especially one that has her brothers and sisters' voices on it.

Here she is with the box of kisses from her brothers and sisters. Thank you Simeon, Liesel, Jude and Hope. Ava doesn't know how to kiss you back yet, but maybe she'll give it a lick or two for you.


I stole this hairbow off the teddy bear and put it on her little tuft of hair. She was reminding me too much of Jimmy Neutron without it. Notice the rash on her arms and face. We patted her bottom and rubbed her back, and all we could feel were her bones and ribs. :(

Doesn't she look cute with the hat Oma made for her? We absolutely love her!!! She will fit so well in our family.

As we walked out of the orphanage, we both left crying and laughing at the same time. We both agreed it was a good day.

Last night when we got online, we saw the flood of email messages in response to my last depressing post. We read each message together and we wept again thinking of God's faithfulness to use so many of you to encourage us, and confirm in our hearts what he had shown us. We no longer felt isolated, but instead surrounded by your prayers, love and support. No wonder our day went so well! From the bottom of our hearts we thank you for joining us on this adoption journey.

They say international adoption is like a roller coaster ride. It's a good thing we like roller coasters. I hope you do too.

Peace and Progress

We had a real good day. We'll update when we can find a cheaper
Internet connection.

Our First Visit

I know many of you are waiting on an update from our first day with Ava. So much happened yesterday that it is hard to know where to start and how much to say.

 

We got to Artemovsk by train Thursday morning around 8, then took a taxi to the hotel where we're staying. We had both literally been awake all night with no food since lunch the day before. We showered, then went straight to the inspector's office where we got permission to visit the orphanage. In our excitement, we skipped breakfast too.

 

At the orphanage we first met with Inna, the orphanage director, who reviewed Alina's file and told us every bit of medical history she had, which really wasn't too much. She was diagnosed with some heart condition at birth, spent two months in the hospital before she was transferred to the orphanage here. Our translator does a great job, but he didn't know how to interpret the name of the heart defect. He said it is the medical code Q21? If that means anything to anybody, can you please comment? I got the impression by the picture Inna drew of it that it was a PDA, which I'm sure has closed by now. They referred to it as a "heart window".

 

Then right before we went to see the child, they sprung this information on us: Alina received a visit from her birth father just in the past couple of weeks. He realized she would soon be moved to Torez, the institution where handicapped children are sent, where most die within a year. She has never received any other visits from her mother. The director told us that her father had recently remarried, and he and his wife would like to bring her back home to live with them. When Inna (the orphanage director) told him that an American couple was coming to potentially adopt her, and he said that if we chose not to adopt her, he would like to take her back home. He would leave the decision to us.

 

This news really threw us for a loop right before we were to go meet the daughter that we have hoped and prayed would be ours for the past seven months. I always have felt it is best for children to stay with birth parents provided they are loved. Inna said he is a "very nice" man, and "not an alcoholic". Just the fact that in this culture where almost NOBODY keeps their handicapped children, I had to have a lot of respect for a man who would go against every cultural bias to bring her home. He must be a good person.

 

Then again, what kind of life would she have here? There is no school for her, very little medical care, no therapy. Could she even have a life with him?

 

On the other hand, maybe she would have birth siblings, and a new mom, and how wonderful it would be for her to reunite with them.

 

But what if he changed his mind in a year, and brought her back to the orphanage, where she would most definitely be sent to Torez, and most definitely be dead soon after.

 

All these questions, thoughts and feelings going through my mind, as we walked up the stairs and down the hall to the room where we were to meet our little girl....Or was she anymore?

 

With no food or sleep in over 24 hours, the adrenaline high, the information we had JUST received about her birth father, and the shock of seeing her deteriorated little body, chicken pox scabs, and a really bad skin rash......Let's just say, it was a very difficult time. We spent about an hour with her with two people looking over our shoulder watching every move we made.

 

She loves to be kissed, and has the cutest giggle when you poke her ribs. I LOVE her hands!! I got the sweetest video of her stroking John's hands with her long fingers. I had difficulty getting her to make eye contact with me, but Inna told me that she has some vision impairment.  Maybe she'll need glasses. I did notice she was more responsive when I was right up in her face. She is ticklish. I was shocked at how low her muscle tone was. She definitely has more upper body strength than lower body strength. Her little legs just dangled and I couldn't get her to bear any weight on them at all. I know there are many of you reading this blog who have children with Down Syndrome, and I hope you can give me some encouragement about how we can make a difference in these areas. She plays with her tongue. :) That's probably the only toy she has.

 

I felt like I was picking up a little mangy puppy. Poor little thing. I can see that four years in an crib in an orphanage has really taken a toll on her little body.  Her hair was matted, and she is almost bald with a few patches here and there. She has a lot more on top, which makes me think just getting her out of bed would help her hair grow out. Maybe it's a nutritional thing too. She has the remnants of chicken pox, so she is covered in scabs, which are each dabbed with some blue ink. I remember reading that they use this in Eastern Europe for skin conditions. She had a rash all over her face and arms, which looked like it could be eczema or allergies. It is obvious that she is going to need a lot of help. I am thankful for the resources we have available at home, but still have so many questions like, will she ever walk? Will she ever being able to look in my eyes and say, "I love you mama." We went to lunch afterwards, and I wanted to do was cry. I couldn't eat. Came home and slept for awhile. Dinner came. I still couldn't eat.

 

Please pray for us. I have cried many times. We felt like she would be ours. So what happened yesterday??!!! We have such a huge decision to make, and we need wisdom and strength from the Lord to help us get through this. I know He didn't bring us out her for nothing. The fact that we are missing our children terribly is not helping at all.

 

John has been such a tower of strength. I am so thankful for him. He gave me tremendous peace last night when he told me that if a decision needs to be made, he will make it. That took a tremendous amount of pressure. We even talked about trying to meet with the birth father, but I don't think they would let us do that.

 

We are going to go back up for our second visit today. Hopefully we can get another update to you tonight. We are feeling very lonely, and a bit isolated. It is almost time for breakfast, and guess what? I'm not hungry. Maybe I won't gain 10 pounds in Ukraine after all.

 

 I will be glad when Kelly gets here tomorrow

Ready for Big Brothers and Sisters

She loves to be tickled.

Someone has Chicken Pox

Can't post much, no Internet around, see a sweet photo on john's
blog.... Urbansworldjohn.blogspot.com.

The anticipation is building..

Tonight we take a train from Kiev to our favorite little town in Ukraine, Artemovsk. I have warm feelings thinking about that little town on the far eastern side of Ukraine. I wonder if the people will be friendly. I know that we will be looking many men and women in the eyes, wondering if he or she is the birth parent who couldn't love and care for the little girl who will soon be our daughter.

I am trying to remember if I had so many butterflies right before I met my other children. I'm sure I did, but I probably didn't notice for the contractions! Or the heartburn. I wonder what we'll do when we see her for the first time. I wonder what she will think of us, standing over her crib, saying in russian, we are her mama and papa. I hope she likes us. I KNOW she will LOVE her brothers and sisters. What a different life she will have soon.

Thank you for all your prayers and support. We love reading your comments!!!! It helps us to feel not so alone in this faraway place, we feel your love!

For a VERY special surprise, take a look at John's blog!!!!!

More about the SDA and the Cornish family

I had about 5 minutes to post my last blog before the laptop battery
died. Being that I am a woman, and I have to get out my 5,000 words a
day, I had to finish in a separate email at the apartment while the
battery charges , and will post it tomorrow once we have internet
connection again. Boy are we Americans spoiled!!

Back to the SDA appointment, I was surprised at how quick and
painless it was. I was so glad we had heavy coats to cover our
wrinkled clothes...no iron in our apartment, and I didn't want to
pack one just for one appointment. The SDA officials were very
friendly and the entire "interview" took about 10 minutes. They
wanted to know how we found out about this specific child, and we
told her about the Bedfords and the Riebens who adopted just before
us They wanted to make sure we understood that she had Down Syndrome
and a heart defect. When we responded that yes, we knew, and we still
want her, I was expecting to have to explain WHY we wanted her.
Instead, the response was, "We commend you for traveling such a long
distance to give this child a life and a family. We can see that you
will love her and provide a good home for her." They didn't ask for
our photo album but I did show them the picture of our family from
Christmas time. We thanked them as we left, and they said, "No, we
thank YOU." I was so glad I asked for her picture. I got the feeling
they don't usually give the photos from the orphans' files away, but
thankfully we had a more recent one that we could exchange for it. In
every photo I have of her, I love her hands. Her 4 month old photo is
no exception. I can't wait to hold those little hands tomorrow
morning! She is beautiful, and we can't wait to meet her tomorrow!
The closer we get to her, the more we love her!

For those adopting from Ukraine soon, I hope this encourages you. We
had been nervous about what to expect, and it all went beautifully.

Speaking of my expectations, I'd like to name the other things I wish
I wouldn't have worried about.

1. The language- Many people speak english, and if they don't, they
are thrilled to try anyway. It was quite comical trying to
communicate with our cab driver tonight. He pointed to a building and
said, "My school" about 15 times. When I asked what he was studying
there, he responded, "My school." He was also making jokes about Ford
cars, making crashing sounds, indicating that the russian cars are
much better.
2. The people- I envision Ukrainians being gruff, deep voiced,
arrogant people, but the people have been so friendly and
accommodating! (Unless you walk in front of their vehicle in a
traffic jam, and then you get honked at.)
3. The weather- I'm not sure if we are just experiencing a warm
spell, but I have said, "I am hot" on several occasions. Even now in
our apartment, we have the windows open and I'm barefoot and single
layered, and surprisingly comfortable. The down coats from Lands End
have been so nice/
4. Not packing enough- we have more than enough, and stores on every
street corner in case we run out. I'm SO glad Shelley told us to pack
towels, because the towels in the apartment are more like kitchen
hand towels. Like I said, we Americans are spoiled!
5 My children- When I talked to Hope the other day, she set the phone
down mid-conversation, and ran off to play! (I'm not sure whether to
be glad about not being missed, or not).

We thoroughly enjoyed having dinner with Mike and Meredith on her
26th birthday! (Meredith, you are young enough, I'm sure you don't
mind me announcing your age).

Our SDA Appointment

to
Our SDA appointment


Yulia, our facilitator



We ate dinner with Mike and Meredith! Happy Birthday Meredith!
The appointment went so well! We were met by the psychologist (more like the equivalent of a social worker, I think), and her translator. She had Alina's file open on her desk when we got there, and there was the sweetest photo of her when she was 4 months old. John and I looked at each other and we both burst into tears. I wonder what they were thinking. We were expecting to be asked a lot of questions, but they just asked if we were aware the child had Down Syndrome and a heart defect. They told us a little bit about her parents. Her mom was a 30 yr. old social worker, and her dad was a 32 yr. old inspector. Both were educated and professional, and she was abandoned at the hospital at birth. Her picture is so sweet. They let us keep it, under the condition that we leave them a more recent photo of her, which we were so glad we brought with us!

We leave on a train tomorrow night, and will meet her on Thursday!

Pictures for the kids

Hi Jude! I thought of you when I saw this giant dinosaur in the Chicago airport. It reminded me of the book we like to read together, "Danny and the Dinosaur".


Simeon, Flat Stanley has been in Chicago, Frankfurt, Munich, and now Kiev. Look it up on the map and you will see how far he's traveled. He found his long lost cousin at the Chicago airport, but we'll tell you about that later.


Hope and Sebastian, I wish you could have played at this playground outside of our apartment. It looks quite dangerous, so maybe it's a good thing you didn't!


Liesel, I know if you would have been here when we saw this dog you would have become instant friends with her. Isn't she cute? Someday when you are a vet, you will take care of dogs just like this


Evi, isn't this dog cute? I know you and Liesel would have fun playing with them.

Our quest to find internet

McDonalds....coffee, but no internet


Does this sign say "internet" anywhere on it?


Locked. No answer at the door.


How do you say "internet" in russian?


Ah....Internet. High speed internet. The Opera Hotel downtown Kiev. Not only did they not charge us, but they said they would expect us back tomorrow. Ukraine has the nicest people!

It's been an interesting day. Spent much of the day looking for internet access for a way to contact home. We had a wonderful lunch. I wish I knew what it was, some kind of soup and a kind of pasta. The diet Coke here tastes way better. I am glad we didn't try to learn Russian. Most people seem to know at least a little english, and if not, they ask someone else to help us. The people have been very nice and accomodating.

We found out our SDA appointment is tomorrow at 3:00pm, that would be around 7am at home. We should be here in Kiev for a couple more days, and hope to take a train out by Wednesday to meet our daughter. It has been neat to experience a little bit of her culture, although truthfully and sadly, even she has not experienced her culture being stuck in a crib in an orphanage for her entire life. As I was eating my delicious soup today, thinking I'd like to find a recipe for her when I get back, I was reminded that even she has never tried anything so delicious.

We have been in phone contact with Meredith and Mike, but turns out we are opposite ends of the city. Once we can get some money exchanged and figure out how to summon a taxi, we would like to try to meet up with them tomorrow. And Kelly should be here tomorrow too. Kelly call me as soon as you get here.

Speaking of calling, my dad reminded me that I should mention the time difference. Our phone number is 011-32-044-234-8874. That will only be for tonight and tomorrow night. The Ukrainian clock is to the right side of the blog so don't be calling us at 2am!! We will probably be up till 10 or 11 our time.

I was trying to post more pictures but something weird happened. I'll try again tomorrow. We miss the kids but it sounds like they are doing well without us for now, and Opa and Oma will be coming tomorrow. How fun!

Our temporary abode

This is what we see when we step outside of our apartment


This is the outside of our flat in Kiev. Not sure why it's called a "flat" because it is anything but flat.



This is the reason why they tell you to bring your own toilet paper. It looks normal, but it the texture of the paper towels in the public school bathrooms.


The bed was much more comfortable than it looks. We slept 10 1/2 hrs!


A cute little kitchen that we haven't had a chance to use yet. We've been warned, Don't drink the water!

We're here!!!

It took 28 hours to get from Tulsa to Kiev, but we arrived safe and sound....and tired. I thought to myself, "That was the longest 28 hours of my life", but then I remembered my first childbirth was 28 hours long!

We skipped the jet lag altogether by arriving to our apartment at midnight after very few hours of sleep the last two nights. We realized it was 10:30 am when we woke up! We had quite a time finding internet access, but we do have a phone in our apartment if anybody wants to call us. 38-044-2348874. We love to hear english! The people are very friendly, but we stick out like a sore thumb. Maybe it's my hot pink snow boots, or the camera around my neck. Or the fact that we don't smoke.

We'll update more later, but we are hungry!! We hear the food is good, so we are going to go experience it RIGHT NOW. We'll post pictures soon.

Read John's Blog

click here

Procrastinators

I am laughing at the sounds I am hearing coming from behind me. It is past midnight, we haven't finished packing, and John is listening to a CD for learning russian. What did we think, we were going to learn russian 9 hours before we leave for Ukraine? I can hardly contain my laughter right now. Maybe I have the sleepy sillies. We are so bad!!

I do have to say it was pretty sweet hearing him rewind and rewind on the part that said, "I am your papa." "I am your papa". "I am your papa."...."Ya vseg-da boo-doo tvoy papa".

OK now I am seriously going to get to work packing. The kids are asleep, the house is clean, the laundry is done, all the instructions are written out, the power of attorney signed. Now all we have to do is finish packing and learn russian.

Making progress!

-Sheets are washed
-Bathrooms are cleaned
-Jeans problem solved...Thanks to my good friend Kirsten who heard me griping about it over coffee yesterday and brought me a pair her old Gap jeans....yes the $59 kind, but they weren't working for her, and they fit perfectly and are oh-so-comfortable. Thank the Lord and thank you Kirsten!
-Flat Stanley....well, turns out laminating machines melt crayon-who knew! So we went for Plan B: Packing tape. Worked pretty well, and much cheaper I'm sure
-Had Mazzio's pizza with Jude and Hope. What delightful children I have!:)
-Still got a big messy house to clean up, and I decided to enjoy my children tonight and leave the cooking for our wonderful babysitters (I know they won't mind).

If you remember to pray for us, John has some deadlines that he is trying to meet before we leave. There's a chance he may be able to take some work with us, but it all depends on what kind of internet connection we have access to. And of course the obvious, travel, Ava's health and adjusting to her new parents, the siblings at home who are very excited about having a new sister but may not yet know the extent of her special needs and demands. And for me as I miss my babies! The thing is, I know I will be missing them more than they are missing me, and in a weird kind of way, that makes me feel better.

My to-do list for today...Leaving in 24 hours!!

-Wash sheets for babysitters
-Clean bathrooms
-Try to solve my jeans-problem
-Make up some quick weekend meals for the babysitters
-Take Jude out of school for lunch
-Pack
-Laminate the Flat Stanley- A 4th grade writing project. A story about a boy who is flattened by a bulletin board, but he uses his flatness to his advantage by being able to slide under doors, and be mailed in an envelope. In our case, he (a paper doll) is traveling in our suitcase to Ukraine to be a part of our adoption. I'm particularly excited about the timing of this, as we SO wanted to take our kids with us. And I think Simeon will feel more a part of it, getting to write about Stanley's adventures in an orphanage in Ukraine. :)
-Tonight is family sleepover night-we'll stay up late, and pile on the floor for popcorn and a movie.
-Stay up very very late...finishing details, packing, charging batteries, etc. The later we stay up the better, the more we'll sleep tomorrow, the better we'll adjust to jetlag.....I think? I hope.

What I did today

-Had coffee with my good friend Kirsten
-Picked up the last of the photos for the photo album to show the judges and orphanage staff
-Went shopping for JEANS, and failed. When I started packing I realized the 10 pounds I gained over the holidays narrowed my
jeans selection to TWO pairs. Factor in the long johns I'd be wearing underneath, and the 10 extra pounds that I'm supposed
to gain once I'm there (I'm told the food is incredible and fattening, and there is chocolate everywhere!), and I decided I had to
buy some jeans....Like I said though, I failed. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow. Who spends their last day shopping for jeans!? And
WHO spends $59 on Gap jeans!!!
-Ate lunch with Liesel
-Took video footage of my kids to download for the quiet moments when I'm missing them terribly. They weren't very
cooperative. All I got was, "Mom, I don't want you to video me!" "Mom, I want to go finish the movie." "I don't know what to say."
-Vaccuumed the house
-Cut Liesel's hair

P.S. The link to the upper right is my dad's blog. My parents are in Ohio, along with my 92 yr. old grandma (spunk runs in our family)... watching and home schooling my brother's 4 kids while my brother and his wife are in Morocco for their 10 yr. anniversary vacation. As soon as they are finished there they are coming here to watch our kids for the next three weeks. Watching his blog about my nieces and nephews makes me realize my kids will NOT be missing out here. I am so grateful for them, doing this with no break in between. Meanwhile, hopefully I can talk him into keeping up with his blog while we are overseas so we can get a glimpse into their daily activities!

48 hours to go.....

The plan:
-Leave Saturday Jan 19th morning 10:30, Tulsa -Chicago-Frankfurt-Kiev....19 hrs in all
-Arrive Kiev Jan 20th 1pm (8 hrs ahead)-I'm not looking forward to experiencing jet lag for the first time!
-Passport clearance, luggage, meet facilitator, go to hotel.
-Monday-recover from jet lag, sight see maybe-hopefully meet up with Meredith, whose SDA appointment is the day before ours.
-Jan 22nd, 9:30 am SDA appointment: Our adoption will be different than most people adopting from Ukraine. Most people go over for a "blind referral", meaning they arrive at their appointment, not knowing who their child will be. They request a gender and age range, and are given several files of orphans to review. Then they have the option to visit one or more of those kids to potentially adopt. We are able to request a specific child 1. because she has significant health issues 2. Because we know someone who has been there and seen her, and we could request her specifically. Please pray for us on our SDA date. I'm not sure why I'm nervous about it. I'm sure they are very nice people. We will be required to explain to them why we would travel half way across the world to adopt a child who is considered in most countries to be without value. I don't know what I will say or how I will say it. I'll ask the Lord to give me just the right words. I have put together a photo album to show them our home, our family, our neighborhood, her future school The Little Lighthouse, and her future friends at DSAT (Thanks Molly) to "prove" to them that she will be loved and cared for here.
-Next day we get the official referral, at which point we hop on the first train to her little city, about 12 hours I think? I will meet Kelly here!
-Meet with the local inspector (the U.S. equivalent of a social worker) who gives us permission to visit the orphanage.
-Have tea with the orphanage director, lawyer, and doctor (sounds fun but I am going to be thinking about somebody else I want to see at the orphanage), we'll show our photo album and learn all about our daughter.
-Meet her!
-Begin court paperwork, and wait for our court day. From this point on, we will visit Ava twice a day and bond with her, until our court date (could be around two weeks).
-Court hearing
-10 day appeals period (waiting period)- We will come home.
-Fly back, obtain permission to bring her home, finish the paperwork, medical exam, Visa, Embassy approval
-Finally bring her home (I am guessing this will be in early to mid March)...So close, yet so far away!

Our adoption journey

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Loved already

It seems this little girl of ours, who we haven't even met yet, is already loved. When Aunt Sharon came to visit she brought a coat and an outfit for Ava. My sister stopped by the house today, with a sweater for Ava. Oma knitted her a hat and a sweet little blanket for her bed. A couple of times I have been at the GoodWill, and I found a couple of toys that I thought..."I bet Ava would love that." I have heard that children with Down Syndrome love music, so I have picked up a couple of musical toys here and there.



Today there was a little package in my mailbox with these little socks and mittens. My friend Jill (my old college roommate) HAND knitted them! I am so impressed. Some people get all the talent! Thank you Jill!

I am so thankful for friends and family members who have demonstrated their love and support through this adoption process in so many different ways. It means so much when people ask, "How is the adoption coming along?" We just received an email from the church we have only been attending for a few months, asking how they can support us, and wanting to help the orphanage by supplying some of their basic needs.Another friend, Tina, is helping us find good deals on airfare for our second trip. We feel so blessed to be a part of a community like this.

I've also had the privilege of being a part of a WONDERFUL special-needs adoption yahoo group. My husband wonders why I have been spending so much time on the computer. It's because I'm hanging out with my friends in cyberspace. I am so thankful for the technology that has the ability to connect all these mothers with so much in common; i.e. We love kids with disabilities, and we are passionate about finding or being families to them! How lost I would feel if it were not for these fellow adoptive mothers who have paved the way before me, prayed with me, encouraged me, shared stories about their adopted children...And there are SIX of us special-needs mamas who will all be traveling to Ukraine within a week or so of each other. I received a case of DVD's from one of my special-needs-adoption cyberfriend, for entertainment while in Ukraine, and there is a box on its way from Ohio tonight containing power converters, hairdryer, money belts, and a couple of gifts for Ava and some of her "roommates".

We are so blessed. And we are SO SO excited!