Our First Visit

I know many of you are waiting on an update from our first day with Ava. So much happened yesterday that it is hard to know where to start and how much to say.

 

We got to Artemovsk by train Thursday morning around 8, then took a taxi to the hotel where we're staying. We had both literally been awake all night with no food since lunch the day before. We showered, then went straight to the inspector's office where we got permission to visit the orphanage. In our excitement, we skipped breakfast too.

 

At the orphanage we first met with Inna, the orphanage director, who reviewed Alina's file and told us every bit of medical history she had, which really wasn't too much. She was diagnosed with some heart condition at birth, spent two months in the hospital before she was transferred to the orphanage here. Our translator does a great job, but he didn't know how to interpret the name of the heart defect. He said it is the medical code Q21? If that means anything to anybody, can you please comment? I got the impression by the picture Inna drew of it that it was a PDA, which I'm sure has closed by now. They referred to it as a "heart window".

 

Then right before we went to see the child, they sprung this information on us: Alina received a visit from her birth father just in the past couple of weeks. He realized she would soon be moved to Torez, the institution where handicapped children are sent, where most die within a year. She has never received any other visits from her mother. The director told us that her father had recently remarried, and he and his wife would like to bring her back home to live with them. When Inna (the orphanage director) told him that an American couple was coming to potentially adopt her, and he said that if we chose not to adopt her, he would like to take her back home. He would leave the decision to us.

 

This news really threw us for a loop right before we were to go meet the daughter that we have hoped and prayed would be ours for the past seven months. I always have felt it is best for children to stay with birth parents provided they are loved. Inna said he is a "very nice" man, and "not an alcoholic". Just the fact that in this culture where almost NOBODY keeps their handicapped children, I had to have a lot of respect for a man who would go against every cultural bias to bring her home. He must be a good person.

 

Then again, what kind of life would she have here? There is no school for her, very little medical care, no therapy. Could she even have a life with him?

 

On the other hand, maybe she would have birth siblings, and a new mom, and how wonderful it would be for her to reunite with them.

 

But what if he changed his mind in a year, and brought her back to the orphanage, where she would most definitely be sent to Torez, and most definitely be dead soon after.

 

All these questions, thoughts and feelings going through my mind, as we walked up the stairs and down the hall to the room where we were to meet our little girl....Or was she anymore?

 

With no food or sleep in over 24 hours, the adrenaline high, the information we had JUST received about her birth father, and the shock of seeing her deteriorated little body, chicken pox scabs, and a really bad skin rash......Let's just say, it was a very difficult time. We spent about an hour with her with two people looking over our shoulder watching every move we made.

 

She loves to be kissed, and has the cutest giggle when you poke her ribs. I LOVE her hands!! I got the sweetest video of her stroking John's hands with her long fingers. I had difficulty getting her to make eye contact with me, but Inna told me that she has some vision impairment.  Maybe she'll need glasses. I did notice she was more responsive when I was right up in her face. She is ticklish. I was shocked at how low her muscle tone was. She definitely has more upper body strength than lower body strength. Her little legs just dangled and I couldn't get her to bear any weight on them at all. I know there are many of you reading this blog who have children with Down Syndrome, and I hope you can give me some encouragement about how we can make a difference in these areas. She plays with her tongue. :) That's probably the only toy she has.

 

I felt like I was picking up a little mangy puppy. Poor little thing. I can see that four years in an crib in an orphanage has really taken a toll on her little body.  Her hair was matted, and she is almost bald with a few patches here and there. She has a lot more on top, which makes me think just getting her out of bed would help her hair grow out. Maybe it's a nutritional thing too. She has the remnants of chicken pox, so she is covered in scabs, which are each dabbed with some blue ink. I remember reading that they use this in Eastern Europe for skin conditions. She had a rash all over her face and arms, which looked like it could be eczema or allergies. It is obvious that she is going to need a lot of help. I am thankful for the resources we have available at home, but still have so many questions like, will she ever walk? Will she ever being able to look in my eyes and say, "I love you mama." We went to lunch afterwards, and I wanted to do was cry. I couldn't eat. Came home and slept for awhile. Dinner came. I still couldn't eat.

 

Please pray for us. I have cried many times. We felt like she would be ours. So what happened yesterday??!!! We have such a huge decision to make, and we need wisdom and strength from the Lord to help us get through this. I know He didn't bring us out her for nothing. The fact that we are missing our children terribly is not helping at all.

 

John has been such a tower of strength. I am so thankful for him. He gave me tremendous peace last night when he told me that if a decision needs to be made, he will make it. That took a tremendous amount of pressure. We even talked about trying to meet with the birth father, but I don't think they would let us do that.

 

We are going to go back up for our second visit today. Hopefully we can get another update to you tonight. We are feeling very lonely, and a bit isolated. It is almost time for breakfast, and guess what? I'm not hungry. Maybe I won't gain 10 pounds in Ukraine after all.

 

 I will be glad when Kelly gets here tomorrow