Why I love boys....

Why I love girls...

The boy who captured my heart

When I first stumbled across Reece's Rainbow Ministry about a year ago, I fell head over heels in love with this little boy from Estonia. His name is Andres. He is 9 (I suppose he would be 10 by now), and he has been waiting for his forever family for a very long time. I have prayed for him and shed many tears over this sweet face. As much as I wanted to be his mother, I knew that we were not the right family for him. 

Well I am happy to report that Andres is finally going to have his dream of a family come true. He will soon be adopted by the Crawford family.  He will have a mom, a dad, and four brothers and sisters. Andres' story reminds me of a poem that I read recently. Here it is:

The Waiting Child
By Debbie Bodie

I saw you meet your child today
You kissed your baby joyfully
And as you walked away with him
I played pretend you'd chosen me.

I'm happy for the baby, yet
Inside I'm aching miserably
I want to plead as you go by,
"Does no-one want a child of three?"

I saw you meet your child today
In love with her before you met
And as I watched you take her out
I knew it wasn't my turn yet.

I recognize you from last year!
I knew I'd seen your face before!
But you came for a second babe.
Does no-one want a child of four?

I saw you meet your child today
But this time there was something new
A nurse came in and took MY hand
And then she gave my hand to you.

Can this be true? I'm almost six!
And there are infants here, you see?
But then you kissed me and I knew
The child you picked this time was me.

Ava...a spiritual analogy

My good friend Jennifer sent me an email yesterday and it touched my heart. I wanted to post a portion of it here.

"I wanted to tell you how much I love that video you put together a couple days ago. As I watched it, though, and thrilled over it like everyone else did I realized something that I just can't stop thinking about. Ava's whole story is a perfect picture of what Jesus did for me. He saw me and knew I was destined for certain death. He loved me long before I knew He even existed - I did nothing to deserve that! He sacrificed a great price to save me. He rescued me from the poor place I was in (and it was going to get worse) and brought me to a wonderful place with a great family full of incredible brothers and sisters in Christ. And He has faithfully grown me in ways I many times don't even realize. Sometimes my "therapy" is painful and sometimes its so much fun! I only hope that I give Him the joy in the process that Ava is giving all of us."

Isn't that a beautiful analogy and so beautifully written? Thanks my dear friend! I see myself in Ava's story as well. My love for her has helped me to understand His love for me as well. There is so much to rejoice about.

Sensory brushing and more pudding

Someone asked what is sensory brushing? Well I am not even sure whether or not that is the right term for it, but that is what I'm calling it. Sensory brushing is a technique recommended by Ava's occupational therapist. We are supposed to brush her whole body every two hours, very firmly and with deep pressure with a brush that looks like this


OK not really. This is the actual brush, it is very soft and pleasant to touch but I wanted to imagine all my blog readers gasping as they saw that picture. :) Sorry.

I swear this looks an awful lot like the surgery scrub brushes I remember using for sterile techniques when I worked at the hospital. Don't know if is actually is one or just similar. Anyway, the brushing technique Ava absolutely hated at first, but tolerates it more and more every day. It is somehow supposed to help her nerves to tolerate new sensations, I guess? To be honest I thought it was silly at first, but since I finally did it like I was SUPPOSED to yesterday, and we had such great results in her feeding, I am now a firm believer in brushing therapy. (It is used on autistic children as well I believe).

So how did she do on feeding today? Well I'm glad you asked. Ava ate NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE VANILLA PUDDING CUPS TODAY!!!! Every last bit, she ate and she loved it!! I'm almost afraid to try anything but vanilla pudding for now, I don't want her freaking out on me again. I need to go buy a giant case of it tomorrow.

Today I had my follow up appointment for my miscarriage. It was harder than I thought it would be. Sitting in the waiting room next to ladies with round bellies, walking past the wall of photos of babies that were delivered by Dr. Myers....pictures of smiling mommies and daddies, precious newborn babies wrapped in pink or blue blankets. I saw the ultrasound machine that we had looked forward to seeing our baby kicking or sucking its thumb. Instead it had less than 3 weeks ago confirmed that indeed, our baby's heart had stopped beating.

I had told John not to worry, to please not take another day off work. I'll be fine, I said, I could make it on my own today. I wish now I wouldn't have been so confident in myself.

I burst into tears when the doctor asked me what we named the baby. I wouldn't have expected a doctor to ask but I was glad he did. "That's a nice name," he said. He asked how we grieved our loss. I told him where we buried the baby, and that the kids want to go "visit" him every day. I'm glad to have a doctor that asks these kinds of questions.

Then we talked about options, do we want to "try" again? I just don't know how one makes these decisions. On the one hand we thought we were done having kids 3 months ago. On the other hand, how could we end like this? I suppose now is not the time to decide.

When I was checking out, I handed my yellow paper to the receptionist. Apparently she didn't notice the handwritten words, "Follow up miscarriage", because she asked, "How many weeks are you?"....Uh, I didn't know what to say, and I just looked at her. She then glanced down at the page and got a mortified look on her face and apologized. I wonder which one of us was more uncomfortable. Again, I burst into tears, and cried all the way down the hall, down the elevator (where a lady handed me a bag of Kleenex) and through the parking lot into my car.

My kids have asked me why do I cry? He is in heaven, he is not in pain, Mom. We will see him again. I know, I know. All these things are true and they bring me comfort. But will it ever stop feeling like somebody is missing? I know that no other child, by birth or adoption will replace THAT child, and I suppose that is why it is hard to make "the decision". I know the pain will lessen, the grieving will subside. Meanwhile I hope people can understand I just need to be sad every now and then, and grieve the baby, Baby #6 that I never got to cuddle. I know so many of you can understand. And I thank you for holding my hand through it.

She ate the whole thing!

I'll apologize in advance for all the photos but I couldn't narrow it down to my favorite one or two, so I decided to include all of them. I was just on the phone this morning with my parents talking about yesterday's video and bragging about all of Ava's progress. I told them there is one area in which I have been very discouraged, however, and that is in the area of feeding.

I guess I spoke too soon. Look what she did tonight..(You won't believe it Rachel!) Besure to scroll all the way down to the bottom photo!










Yes, she ate the WHOLE thing!!!! (Without crying or gagging)

I have tried and tried to get Ava to try baby food, pudding, crackers, suckers, etc. etc. You name it, I've tried it. Because of her sensory issues, it has been like pulling hen's teeth to get her to open her mouth to anything but her bottle or my fingers (Ouch! By the way, whoever diagnosed her with low muscle tone never tested her jaw muscles, or her eye muscles while putting eye ointment in them. )
Anyway, today I did two things differently. One, instead of giving her the baby food before the bottles like I have every other time, I gave her the pudding after her regular evening bottles. Second, today was the first day that I actually did her sensory brushing exactly as prescribed by the occupational therapist. Instead of brushing her when it came to mind, I stayed on a schedule of every two hours. I don't know which of these things was the key, but you'd better believe I'll be doing it exactly the same tomorrow.

So Amazing

I've blogged about my friend Shelley before. Probably more than once. She and her husband Robert adopted from Ava's orphanage just a few months before we did. Well they are now on their THIRD adoption in 8 months. They are in Eastern Europe again right now, and tomorrow they will complete the first ever adoption of a child with Down Syndrome out of Serbia. This is big news. Remember the national news story that came out recently about the conditions of special needs orphanages in Serbia? Well it wasn't pretty. And now Shelley and Robert are having an opportunity to change the hearts and minds of people of influence in Eastern Europe. Again. She asked me to put together a slide show presentation about Ava and the progress she has made in the two months she has been in a family, which I did today. Most of these therapy pictures just happened this morning. Isn't she doing great? I am honored that my daughter will be an example tomorrow as to the potential that a child with special needs can have by just being in a FAMILY and not an institution. Enjoy watching it. I sure enjoyed making it. :)

Ava's medical reports

Well I am happy to report that Ava is continuing to progress beautifully. We had a follow up with the ENT specialist on Friday, a follow up with the opthamologist this morning, and a weight and blood check this afternoon with the pediatrician, and got great reports from all three!

ENT (Ear Nose Throat) report: Ear tubes are intact and working. She healed up nicely from her tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy. Her hearing test, which was 50 on the first visit (Should be 10-15) was 30 on the follow-up post ear tube checkup. This is obviously better than before, but they want to do a ABR test, which basically is a test where she will be sedated (not under anesthesia, but just asleep). They will be able to measure her brain's response to sound waves, apparently this is a much more accurate hearing test on kids who don't necessarily respond physically, by turning their head or raising their hands, to sound. That is scheduled for May 7 (at nap time of course).

Opthamologist report: Eyes are healing nicely (They'd better be healing nicely at $97 for a 3.5g tube of eye ointment!!!!). Her eyes appear to be perfectly aligned, and the doctor sees no reason why she should need another surgery. (He had told me previously that about 20 % of the time they will need to go back and "fine tune" the muscle alignment). We'll have a follow-up in three months just to make sure.

Pediatrician: Ava weighs 23lb 14 oz now (and that was on an empty stomach and with a dry diaper) :) She had been previously very anemic, we have been giving her iron supplements. She is now at a low-normal. We'll reduce the iron from 3 times a day to only once a day, and recheck in a month.

Occupational and Physical Therapy: I'll let you see for yourself. I am getting ready to post a video. :)

It's Spring!!!

Or should I say summer?

For a wedding gift one of my college roommates gave me a nice notebook. At the bridal shower she threw for me, each person present took a page and wrote something to me...a marriage wish, a blessing, a prayer (and of course the usual marriage humor and jokes). About the time I was getting married, I heard my dad mention how much he wished he had a record of where or how our family spent Christmas every year, that he wished he would have journaled more as a way to remember past events.

So back to my notebook. My wedding notebook has turned into a family journal, a record of important and sentimental family events. Every holiday, birth, vacation, birthday, or special moment, even funny things the kids have said has been recorded in this book and it has become such a treasure to me. I have kept it in a special hiding place so nobody could get to it and use it as drawing paper.

Apparently though, someone DID found it...and used it.

So why wasn't I mad? See for yourself.

I got an email this morning from a fellow adoptive mom, a blog friend, who is in the process of adopting these three beautiful girls, all sisters, from an orphanage in Haiti. The email was a plead for prayers and assistance for their orphanage that is experiencing a food shortage because of recent riots in the area. I cannot imagine what Melissa felt when she read this, knowing her girls are so far away and she can't feed them when they are hungry or comfort them when they are hurting.

I copied this from her blog, if anyone is interested in helping these little girls and the other orphans in Haiti.

We are writing this letter to ask for your help with the current situation in Haiti.

The United States Department of State issued a Travel warning on April 11, 2008.
(http://travel.state.gov ) Here is part of that statement. “Protesters angered by high food prices filled the streets of Port-au-Prince, forcing businesses and schools to close. Demonstrations continue and have frequently turned violent with firing of weapons, rock throwing, tire-burning, erection of street barricades, and looting. The violence has forced most people to stay indoors and stranded others in isolated locations.”

Reading this paragraph is heart breaking, knowing that the people of Haiti have turned to violence because they are starving and cannot afford food. Please know that the children in the orphanage
At this time still have food to eat, but with prices of food on the rise it will be difficult to continue to buy food and supplies for the children. Most of you have already been involved in raising money and supplies for this sweet little orphanage and we are greatly appreciative of your efforts. We are just asking that everyone let your friends and family know that we are in
Immediate need of sending money to Haiti to help off set the cost of food.
Current food prices in Haiti:
1 50kg (110 lbs) of rice is 2000gds. ($52.28us)
1 50kg (110 lbs.) of beans is 3000gds ($78.43us)
1 bottle of cooking oil is 300gds ($7.84)
This gives you a little idea of the basic costs of food in Haiti. We are also asking families that will be going on the next couple of parent trips to bring these food items, along with formula and medicines such as children’s and infants Tylenol as your donations, of course all other donations are needed and will be gladly taken. We just want to be sure that the children have food to eat!

Donations are tax deductible and can be made out and sent to:
Wasatch International Adoptions
3577 Washington Blvd.
Ogden Ut. 84403
(Be sure to write food relief: hope for the little Angels of Haiti on your checks)

My creative child

I never remember playing these kinds of games when I was a little girl. I have started taking pictures of her "creations". I wish I had thought to take pictures of all the hundreds of other projects that have ended up in the trash while she wasn't looking (Don't tell).

Here is a backpack for Alyssa made out of construction paper. Inside the backpack are construction paper "books", one titled "Science", one "Math", and one "Reading". Is that cute or what? I wish I had had someone like Liesel to play with when I was little!

Look...a little construction paper lunchbox, with a tiny sandwich and a Dum-Dum. So funny.

A baby carrier made out of my scarf. Somehow she attached a teddy bear to Alyssa, I'm not sure how she did that.

A homemade trash receptacle, made out a jar, a Sonic cup and lid, and some tape to hold it all together. She keeps this in her room to hold her trash.

We bought her a goldfish when she was 4, it died the next day. We never replaced it. Here is Liesel's replacement. A pet fish that can't die. In a gold fish bowl that can't break (otherwise known as a Glad plastic container).

And what in the heck is that to the left? A latex glove filled with pond water??!!! Don't ask. And to the right? A jar containing grass and a moth. She shines a flashlight into the jar at night so the moth will feel like it is right at home by the street lamp.

I have a problem...

I have a problem....and it's called the GoodWill. It is located about 1/2 mile up the road from me. Try as I might, I have never been able to ignore the big red  SALE sign that pops up  in the window from time to time. On my way to return a movie to Blockbuster this morning, I made an impulsive GoodWill stop, with two little girls. I like to pop in as the weather is changing and as my kids are growing (ie, every week) to see what has appeared on the racks from last week. I was very pleased to find several "skorts" for Hope, since she is going through a phase of wanting to wear dresses, EVERY DAY, but not being too concerned about the meaning of sitting lady-like. Found some cute things for Ava too, and a tiny little pair of shoes that fit her just right. Some shorts for the boys, and a dress for Liesel. Then I remembered my ongoing jeans dilemma, never having a pair that fits right. I should know better than to try on clothes with toddlers or preschoolers in tow, I've had one squeeze under the door and dash off when I wasn't quite prepared to run after him. Fortunately I had two very GOOD little girls today and had no incidents like that.

But the point of this post was not to confess my addiction to the GoodWill, or to complain about naughty toddlers or jeans that don't fit, but rather to tell you this: When I got into the dressing room I realized there was nowhere "clean" to lay Ava, and the dressing room was to big to bring the cart in. So I sat her down on the linoleum, and layered jeans all around her just in case she toppled over. And would you believe she sat up so straight and strong, looking at herself in the mirror, long enough for me to try on 7 pairs of jeans!!! She never fell over! I don't know how long it takes the average person to try on 7 pairs of jeans, but whatever that number is, that is how long she can sit up now. What a girl! I am so proud of her. (And judging by the way she smiled at herself in the mirror I think she is pretty proud of herself too).

Therapy guinea pigs

When I was in nursing school, I wrote my senior paper on "Psychosocial characteristics of siblings of handicapped children". I was fascinated to learn that children who grow up with a brother or sister with special needs often develop characteristics of compassion, empathy and patience. The typical siblings also tend to go into helping professions such as a medical field, special education, physical, speech or occupational therapy, etc. 

So when we were praying about adopting a child with special needs, I was prepared for warnings that our biological children might suffer from our choice to adopt. I knew better.

It has been so incredible to see this already playing out in our family. The kids have come with Ava and me to therapy a couple of times (over Spring Break and also on a no-school flood day), and I have seen them mimicking some of the "therapies" at home.

Their guinea pigs.......?

ACTUAL guinea pigs!
             ,    

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

What we do at therapy.....

Ava's first signs

We have been working, per Occupational Therapy, towards getting Ava to communicate her wants. The easiest way to do this, I suppose, is in the swing (I hope you're not getting too tired of the swinging videos, but it is her favorite place to be besides my sling carrier). Rachel (OT) taught her how to use her hands to sign "go". We had to model it several times, and do it for her several times. Eventually she figured it out, and she has been signing "go" for a little over a week now. Watch:

Today however, she decided she didn't want to sign go anymore, at least not the way we think it should look. Instead she made up her own sign for "I'm ready to swing now, can you please push me?" Watch this:

Have I mentioned how much I love this girl? She is amazing me every day.

A Birthday Celebration

I had more than enough help decorating the birthday cake...not to mention helpers to clean the icing off the beaters. :)

I thought I was so clever having the girls decorate their own goody bags. I forgot to read the directions of the bubble paint that says it takes 48 hours to dry! I would have had to keep everyone for 2 days for my brilliant plan to work. Another one of those, "should have thought that through" moments....

We had a great time, and to top it off had a cousin spend the night. Remember my griping about the cost of American girl dolls when we went to Dallas? Well look what one of my faithful blog friends and her daughters sent! Liesel was so excited about everything she got, but this morning she told me that Alyssa was her favorite gift of all! Thank you to the special friends who sent her!

Frankenstein Eyes

Here are those beautiful eyes I told you about. Jude is a little disappointed that we got Ava's eyes corrected. He thought it was really cool that she could move her eyes in two different directions. He told me the other day, "Mom, sometimes I wish I had Down Syndrome because they can do way cooler things than we can" (i.e. the splits).

By the way, she is much happier after a good night's rest (You were right, Bethany). She is totally back to her normal happy self.

Strabismus Surgery, Before and After Pictures

Before.....

Ava had eye surgery this morning and she is not too happy about it. The doctor said it wouldn't be painful, only 'itchy'. I thought he meant itchy like 'I'm so tired my eyes are itchy' or 'there is smog in the air so my eyes are itchy'. Apparently it's more like 'There is a gnat in my eye and I can't get it out' kind of itchy. Evidently she has a much higher tolerance to pain than she does to "itchiness". :(

I was not prepared for the "Frankenstein eyes" as my friend Lisa described them. This is the only "after" photo I have so far. She hasn't kept her eyes open long enough to let me snap a close up. Here I am attempting to make Borsch for dinner. I think I have forever ruined my appetite for Ukrainian food, not only for myself but for my whole family as well. Who knew that Borsch was nothing more than beets, broth, vinegar, and some spices?! I hope I haven't ruined yours as well. Reminds me of the time I discovered that icing was made out of Crisco shortening. I have picked the icing off the cake ever since. Which reminds me....I have a birthday cake to bake.

Ava's new favorite toy

Today school was out because of flooding, and I had to take all 5 kids to therapy. Not so fun. Hope had brought a little baby doll with us and offered it to Ava's OT Rachel, saying, "Ava can play with this if she wants." Well, I thought the last thing she would want to play with was a baby doll. After all, isn't she supposed to be stimulated with lights and sounds and buttons and spinning things? But just to appease Hope we offered the baby doll. Wouldn't you know...She LOVED the baby doll. She started rubbing its head, licking its face (kissing it?), holding it to her chest. She was even making sounds that I rarely hear, "Mmmmm, Bbbbbb". She was so excited about this little doll! So Rachel used it for a motivator for rolling over, reaching, and even "fed" the doll pudding and let Ava lick the pudding off. It was Oh-so-cute. Of course I forgot my camera, again, but Rachel let me use hers so hopefully I'll have some to post soon. Meanwhile, here we are at home later playing with the same little doll. She is sleeping with it now as I type up this post.




A friend listened to me describe a mat that I was looking for for Ava to lay on. Something textured, easy to clean, colorful, something like an alphabet puzzle I said. A week or so later, look what showed up on my front porch. :) (Thanks Cherish if you are reading this). One of the letters is missing, can you tell which it is? I'm sure it will turn up, but it reminded me of the joke about the little boy who had to use the bathroom but his teacher made him recite the alphabet first. When he skipped the "P", she asked, "Johnny, where is your P?" And Johnny said, "Running down my leg". I think my dad told me that joke.

My friend Michelle wrote this poem for Ava, and I meant to include it in my last post. I need to frame it, I love it. I love how she thinks, how she writes. She is a wonderful advocate for her daughter who is so beautiful and smart, and happens to have Down Syndrome. Michelle has been a tremendous resource for me and other parents as well. Here is the poem.

Child of my heart
not of my blood
I created our bond
when I fell in love

You lay there alone
wasting away
waiting for someone
to come your way.

Locked inside yourself
no one to hold
Secrets inside you
waiting to be told

Our love can unlock them
starting tonight
we didnt give you birth
but we did give you life.

My favorite Christmas presents this year, there were two actually...We got a phone call from our facilitator on Christmas Day telling us our SDA appointment (They work Christmas Day in Ukraine). The other gift I received was this video link from Valerie, who had just returned from meeting her son who lived in the same special needs room as Ava. The only way I could figure out to post it was by putting on the link......CLICK HERE

Can you see why we were so smitten with her? I probably watched this video 100 times in the 3 1/2 weeks from the time we received it to the time we got to meet her for ourselves.

A couple of observations we have had since we've brought Ava home....
1. Remember the train ride when I was trying to get her to sleep and she was SO ticklish? Any kind of touch to her face or her body would send her into giggles. Well she is not nearly so ticklish anymore. Must be that she is receiving so much more stimulation now and she is not so sensitive.

2 .Remember how dry and crusty her skin was? Well within days of having her she has the most beautiful pink skin.

3. When we used to pick her up she was stiff and drew her little legs and hands to the center of her body. Now she feels more relaxed when you hold her.

4. The only way we could get her to smile or laugh at first was to stimulate her....tickle her. Now she smiles and laughs when her daddy gets home from work and gets close to her, when her brothers and sisters do somersaults or jumps up and down, when she hears a funny noise.

5. Her hair is growing in some places, and not in others. I thought at first it was just "orphan hair", bald where she had laid for so long, and that is certainly part of it because some patches have grown in. But some haven't. I haven't talked to the pediatrician about it yet, but I believe she has alopecia. Any hair dressers or dermatologists out there that can give their advice on this?

6. She made her first sign, although it's pretty subtle, she can sign "go" when she wants to be pushed in the swing. We wait until she lifts her arms up, usually after we say, "Ready....Set...." then we wait...When she lifts her little hands, we push her. You know how much she loves to swing, so this is good motivation for her to indicate what she wants in order for a need to be met.

7. She can be quite stubborn, especially when it comes to trying anything by mouth other than her bottle. (Surprise surprise).

8. We love her more and more every day. When I looked at this video the other day, I realized how much I loved her from a distance on Christmas Day 2007, but how much more since we know her and she seems to love us back. John has thanked me several times since we have been home for talking him into adoption. He just said to me last night, "I'm so glad we adopted her. Thanks for being so persistent." HA. Now you all know that I can be persistent. :)